


Some By Virtue Fall

by castielofasgard



Series: Apocalypse [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Conflicting Loyalties, Gen, Guilt, Imprisonment, Isolation, Lack of Communication, Loneliness, M/M, Mild Blood, Nightmares, POV Alternating, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Running Away, Torture, everyone is bad at feelings, just talk to each other dammit, they're all idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:44:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 31,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9608105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielofasgard/pseuds/castielofasgard
Summary: Two weeks have passed since the six unlikely companions escaped the apocalyptic planet. Some are dealing with what happened surprisingly well. Some are not. But either way, none of them have escaped unchanged.





	1. Runaway

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this happened. An unexpected sequel. So unexpected, in fact, that I didn't even know it would happen until it did. Enjoy!
> 
> title is from "Measure For Measure" by William Shakespeare (disclaimer I have never actually read Measure For Measure so I could easily have totally butchered the context of this quote)

Rey woke with a start, jolted from her sleep by another nightmare. For the past two weeks, bad dreams had plagued her. Memories of what she and her friends had been through on that hellish planet, variations on what could have been if things had gone differently. Tonight she’d dreamt that she was the only survivor, doomed to wander by herself, fighting the corpses every day, for all eternity. 

She knew she wasn’t the only one having nightmares. Finn and Poe weren’t doing well either, she could tell. They were usually talkative, nearly impossible to shut up sometimes, but ever since they’d returned, they’d both been uncharacteristically quiet. It wasn’t as though they had many people to talk to – the three of them had been mostly avoiding crowds, or really anyone that wasn’t each other. It was all too overwhelming still, after everything that had happened. 

But Finn and Poe hardly seemed to be talking to each other even. More and more frequently, Poe would disappear for hours at a time to fly over D’Qar in his X-Wing. Rey could always tell when he’d flown off again because Finn would inevitably show up at her door. He rarely spoke when this happened, just brought a holobook or something else to keep himself occupied. Mostly, it seemed, he didn’t want to be alone. Because Finn refused to talk about it, Rey was rather in the dark. She didn’t know if he and Poe were fighting or if Poe just needed time to himself or whatever else it could have been. And she didn’t dare ask. Finn always looked so morose when he came by. 

Rey sighed and rubbed her eyes. The dream had been terrible, but at the moment, being the only person around didn’t seem too unpleasant. She was used to solitude after her years on Jakku. She didn’t particularly like it, but she was used to it. Used to the quiet. And occasionally it was something she craved. If being alone was the reason Poe had taken to these solo flights, Rey completely understood. Her own thoughts and emotions over what had happened were more than enough to be getting on with. Dealing with everyone else’s just compounded it. If she was being honest with herself, solitude felt rather welcoming.

She sat up very suddenly and swung her legs over the side of the bed, sitting there for a minute. Her heart pounded and her stomach twisted anxiously. But she had made up her mind, hadn’t even had to think about it. She grabbed the datapad from her nightstand and typed up a quick message. Then she got up and shoved her few belongings into a bag, slinging it over her shoulder before quietly leaving the room. 

She had nearly made it to the docking bay when a familiar beep called out from behind. She turned to find R2-D2 rolling toward her.

“Shh, Artoo, go back inside,” Rey hissed.

_Where do you think you’re going?_ Artoo demanded.

“I just need to get away for a while,” said Rey. “I won’t be gone long.”

_You’re leaving?_

“Not for long, I promise.”

_How long?_

“I don’t know.”

Artoo beeped sadly and Rey sighed.

“Look, I _promise_ I won’t be gone long,” she said. “I just need some time. You get that, don’t you?”

Artoo beeped sadly again, but didn’t try to argue.

“I’ll be back before you know it, I promise,” said Rey.

She turned away and stepped out into the cold night air. She glanced around, then hurried across the tarmac to the Millennium Falcon and climbed the ramp. Once she was inside, she closed the door and made her way to the cockpit. It wouldn’t be easy flying the Falcon without a co-pilot, but she’d done it before. She started the engines and lifted off.

“D’Qar base to the Millennium Falcon,” a voice suddenly said over the comms. “You are not authorized for takeoff.”

Rey ignored it, but they persisted.

“Millennium Falcon, I repeat, you are not authorized for takeoff.”

“I know, just shut up,” Rey snapped.

She silenced the comms and steered the ship up, soaring over the base before flying out of the planet’s atmosphere. For a moment, she just hovered there, letting out a deep breath. It was just her, the Falcon, and the vast emptiness of space out here. Perfectly quiet. Perfectly alone. Then, she started to fly, heading nowhere in particular.


	2. Drifting

It was a rainy morning. The sound of it followed you around the base, the ambient noise punctuated every so often by the low rumble of distant thunder. Finn and Poe sat together in the far corner of the mess hall, eating their breakfast in silence. They had been retreating to this table lately, distancing themselves from the rest of their friends. 

They had longed to come home for so long, but now that they were back, Finn felt removed from everything, and he knew Poe did too. You couldn’t explain the true nature of horrors like they’d seen to someone who’d never experienced them; they would never understand. Finn, Poe, and Rey had changed. Their other friends had not.

Finn jumped slightly as Poe laid a gentle hand on his knee.

“You okay?” Poe asked. “You seem a little out of it.”

“Yeah, just tired,” said Finn. “Couldn’t sleep again last night.”

Poe gave him a sympathetic look. 

“Sorry about that,” he said. “Wish I could give you some of mine. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning.”

“I’ve noticed.”

Poe chuckled.

“Speaking of which,” said Finn. “Where’s Rey? She’s usually up by now.”

“She probably was in earlier and went out for a walk or something.”

“I dunno,” Finn said with a frown. “I’ve just…. got a weird feeling. Something’s not right.”

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Poe assured him. “Maybe she wasn’t hungry.”

“She’s always hungry.”

“…Fair point. Well, we’ll go find her. We’ll stop by her room, go to all her usual spots…”

Finn nodded and stood up. Poe hesitated a moment, clearly not expecting to go immediately, then followed suit, snatching up the last of his toast as they left the mess and headed toward Rey’s room. When they reached her door, Finn knocked. They waited a minute in silence. Then he knocked again.

“Maybe she’s out,” Poe suggested.

“I dunno…”

Finn hesitated a moment, then opened the door. The room was empty. Too empty. Rey didn’t have many belongings, but Finn had been in her room enough times to know exactly where each and every thing lived. And there were too many empty spaces. The boots and bag by the door were gone. Her staff and lightsaber. Anything that wasn’t furniture. 

“Well, this looks bad,” said Poe.

Finn didn't answer. Something had caught his eye – a light gleaming faintly from the bed. He hurried forward. A datapad leaned against the pillow, a note left open on the screen. He picked it up and read.

“What is it?” Poe asked.

“It’s from Rey,” said Finn, his heart sinking. “She says… she hopes we’ll be okay, and… she’s sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

Finn swallowed hard and let the datapad drop back onto the mattress. He had a horrible feeling and he hoped he wasn’t right. Brushing past Poe, he hurried out of the room and ran down the hall.

“Finn, wait up!” Poe called.

He could hear Poe’s footsteps behind him but he didn’t wait. He kept running all the way outside and didn’t stop until he reached the hangar. The sinking feeling in his chest reached his stomach and settled there as he stared at the empty space where the Millennium Falcon should have been, ignoring the rain already soaking his skin. He barely noticed as Poe caught up, panting.

“Oh no…”

“She’s gone,” Finn said. “She just… left.”

After a minute, Poe gently tugged on his sleeve.

“C’mon, let’s get back inside,” he said. “Standing out in the rain isn’t gonna bring her back.”

Finn nodded and followed Poe back into the base. They had barely stepped inside when General Organa and Luke Skywalker approached, followed closely by R2-D2.

“You already know, don’t you?” said Luke, taking in their wet clothes.

“Yeah…” said Finn.

He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. He didn’t understand why Rey would just leave like this.

“Why don’t you two come with us,” said General Organa. “Artoo knows a bit more.”

Finn and Poe exchanged a look and followed the general to her study. She gestured for them to sit down, which they did.

“So what does Artoo know? Did she talk to him before she left?” Finn asked.

“Apparently he apprehended her on her way out,” said General Organa. “She didn’t say where she was going or how long she’d be gone, but she did promise to come back.”

“But why?” Finn said. “Why did she leave?”

“It sounds like she just needed some time,” said Luke. “She needed to get away from everything, have some time to herself.”

“Honestly, I don’t blame her,” said Poe. “I get it.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you do,” said Finn, much more bitterly than intended.

Poe stared at him a moment, looking uncomfortable and a little guilty, then shot an awkward glance over to General Organa and Luke before casting his gaze to the floor. Finn felt a twinge of guilt but pushed it aside; this was not the time or place for this argument. General Organa was eying them both curiously, one eyebrow raised.

“Anyway, I thought you two ought to know,” she said, breaking the tense silence. “I don’t think you need worry yourselves too much.”

“Thank you, general,” said Poe. 

He stood up and Finn followed suit. Neither of them looked at each other as they headed for the door, both still feeling awkward.

“Actually, Poe,” said General Organa. “Would you mind staying a minute? I need to talk to you about something.”

“Of course.”

Poe turned back and resumed his seat. Finn glanced over his shoulder at him, then left the room. He sighed heavily as he walked down the hall and went back out into the rain. He just stood there, letting the cold water run down his face and soak his clothes.

It felt like his entire life was slipping through his fingers. Ever since they’d gotten back, he’d felt like he was slowly losing Poe. Like a vital part of the man he loved had been left behind on that awful planet, leaving a faded ghost to wander around in his place, constantly growing paler until the void dragged him away completely. And there was nothing Finn could do to stop it. He tried to reach out to him, but every time Poe would just slip farther away. He’d fly off in his x-wing, and each time he was away longer than before, and each time Finn wondered if this was the time Poe just wouldn’t come back.

But he hadn’t expected this from Rey. She had been struggling, sure, they all were. But she had been there. Completely there. And now she just wasn’t. If Poe left, Finn would at least have seen it coming. But Rey had gone so suddenly, so unexpectedly, it was hard to comprehend. The rug had been pulled out from under him and the only person he had left to help him to his feet had become a ghost.

 

***

 

Poe stared down at his hands as the door slid shut, leaving just him and the general. When she didn’t say anything, he looked up. She was watching him in a sad, pitying sort of way.

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

“Well, I mean, I’m still getting over… all of it… but, well… I’m managing,” Poe said.

“What about things between you and Finn?”

Poe smirked.

“You really wanna now about my love life, general?” 

General Organa gave him a look.

“I know how much you two care about each other,” she said. “And I know _you_ , Poe. I can tell when something’s wrong.”

Poe hesitated a moment, looking back down at his hands.

“We’re not… talking,” he said at last. “I mean, we _talk_ , we just don’t… we’re not talking about… things we should be. Something’s bothering him, but I don’t know what it is.”

“Have you tried asking him?”

“He just says he’s tired.”

General Organa nodded and sighed.

“Look,” she said. “I obviously am not a romantic role model-“

“That’s not true.”

“You know how my marriage ended up, Poe. After our son turned to the Dark Side, Han and I didn’t really _talk_ about it. We let the bad things that happened to us pull us apart.”

“Are you saying my relationship’s doomed?” said Poe grimly.

“Only if you let it be. Don’t do what we did.”


	3. Little Hits

Ren pulled on his gloves and turned to the bed, where Hux reclined, half dressed, going over last minute details on a datapad. 

“I’m fairly certain Supreme Leader Snoke would prefer you to be clothed,” he said.

“Shush, I’m focusing,” Hux replied.

“I’m also fairly certain he’s going to start noticing that we’ve been deliberately avoiding any direct entanglements with the Resistance. If he hasn’t noticed already.”

“I haven’t been avoiding anything,” said Hux. “I just haven’t figured out what to do about _them_ yet. Or rather what I’d do if I had to face any of them again.”

“Go with your gut instinct,” Ren suggested, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“My gut instinct is, unfortunately, ‘kill’. And I’m not sure I’d like to deal with the fallout of that.”

“What’s this?” Ren teased. “General Armitage Hux is capable of remorse?”

“Contrary to popular opinion,” said Hux, “I actually do have a heart. You should know.”

“I’m the _only_ one who knows.”

“And I’d like to keep it that way. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” Hux set aside the datapad and got up, grabbing his shirt. “Which is why I’d like to avoid any run ins with our Resistance acquaintances.”

 

Once Hux was dressed, Ren donned his helmet and they went off to meet with Leader Snoke. All the plans for their latest strike were set, the _Finalizer_ was a few hours out from their destination, and it was time to make a final report before carrying out the hit.

The audience was brief. Snoke approved of the mission – taking out such an important Resistance supplier would hamper their efforts, might even put them out of commission for a while – but just as Ren had predicted, Snoke had questioned Hux’s string of less than enthusiastic strikes against the Resistance. 

As they walked side by side to the command deck, Ren could feel the irritation coming off Hux in waves. He hated being questioned and doubted, but he obviously wasn’t going to call Snoke out on it. Ren had kept silent for most of the meeting and it wasn’t until the reached the bridge that he spoke, keeping his voice low so only Hux could hear.

“Don’t second-guess the importance of this mission. Small actions are still actions.”

“Who said I was second-guessing anything?” Hux snapped. “I have total faith in this mission. And Leader Snoke approves.”

“Then what’s vexing you?” Ren asked.

“The fact that those three Resistance brats are causing problems for my otherwise unwavering loyalty to the First Order.”


	4. The Timing's Off

Poe went outside, pulling his jacket closer around himself as the cold, stormy air hit him. He needed to fly, to get away, to process his conversation with General Organa. He knew he should be talking to Finn but his head just wasn’t in the right place for that. He stepped out from under cover and scowled at the rain as it soaked his hair and ran down his back. He was about halfway to his x-wing when he came across Finn, just standing in the rain.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked. “It’s pouring.”

“I needed some fresh air,” said Finn. “What are _you_ doing out here?”

“Going for a flight.”

Finn rolled his eyes and turned away with an irritable sigh.

“Is that a problem?” Poe said.

“No, of course not,” said Finn, and Poe thought he detected a hint of sarcasm. “I mean, it was a stupid question, really, asking what you were doing. I should have known.”

“I just need to clear my head, you know how it is.”

“No I don’t, ‘cause you don’t _talk_.”

“Neither do you!” Poe shot back. “Every time I ask if you’re okay, you just say you’re tired.”

“Well, I am,” said Finn. “I’m tired, and you’ve got…. a _foggy head_ apparently. That’s all, nothing’s wrong here. Obviously there’s nothing to talk about.”

Poe groaned.

“I can _not_ have this conversation right now.”

“Why not?”

“We’re standing in the rain and we’re both obviously in shitty moods,” said Poe. “All it’ll turn into is a fight, if it isn’t already.”

“So you’re just gonna fly off and avoid the problem then?” Finn said. “As usual?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

And with that, Poe turned on his heel and marched off. He didn’t dare look back, knowing it would just make things worse, if only for himself. He went straight to his x-wing and climbed in, starting the engine. He sat there a moment, taking a few deep breaths. He and Finn had had a grand total of maybe two fights in their entire relationship, and both had been resolved quickly and never been a problem again. 

But this was different. Something had gone fundamentally wrong and neither of them were willing to face what it was because that would mean dragging up things they didn’t want to think about, things that had happened on that planet. But General Organa was right, they _needed_ to talk, or else risk losing everything they had together. The trouble was, Poe didn’t know if he was ready. And he didn’t know if Finn was ready either. And the longer they waited, the worse things would get. 

Poe sighed. He knew that, for better or worse, he had to talk to Finn today. But for now he needed to clear his head and calm down. He put on his helmet and steered his ship up into the air.

 

***

 

Finn watched Poe walk away, his jaw clenched so hard it hurt. He hated this. He hated that he was mad at Poe for taking refuge in something that calmed him. He hated that he was mad at Poe at all. He hated that they seemed to have lost all ability to talk about their problems and what was bothering them. And most of all he hated that it was pulling them apart.

As Poe’s x-wing lifted into the air, Finn turned and went back inside, kicking a stack of boxes as he went in frustration. He was soaked to the skin and shivering, so he went his room and changed into dry clothes, then collapsed onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. He’d had his fair share of bad days these last few weeks, but this one was certainly the worst.

 

***

 

Two hours later, Poe landed and hopped down from his x-wing. The rain had slowed to a drizzle, but it was still bitingly cold. He had barely made it inside when Snap Wexley appeared, dressed in his flight suit with his helmet under his arm.

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you for nearly twenty minutes!” Snap said. 

“What’s up?” Poe asked.

“We’ve got a situation,” said Snap.

“Care to elaborate?”

“We’ve got word of a First Order attack on Harix.”

“Ah fuck, seriously?” Poe groaned. “Not the warehouse?”

“Yes the warehouse,” said Snap. “Guess they figured out we were trading with Tal. Anyway, General Organa’s ordered up a few squadrons to take care of ‘em, Black Squadron included.”

“Of course.”

“She also said to tell you she’s sorry if she interrupted anything with this. I’m guessing you know what she means.”

“Yeah…”

“Well, we’ve gotta go immediately,” said Snap. “We’re already behind schedule.”

“Sorry about that,” said Poe. “I’ll just get changed and I’ll be ready to go.”

Poe hurried off to his room. Finn had fallen asleep fully clothed, sprawled out on his back on top of the covers. Normally Poe would have woken him to let him know he was leaving, but considering how they had left things, he wasn’t sure he could face him right now. So he silently changed into his flight suit and slipped back out into the hall. 

BB-8 was already waiting for him out in the hangar. They loaded up and Poe started the engine.

“You ready, BB-8?” 

The droid bleeped the affirmative. Poe put on his helmet and turned on his comms.

“Black Leader standing by,” he announced.

The rest of the squadron called in, then they took off. As he steered up toward the planet’s atmosphere, Poe glanced back down at the base, feeling a little tug of guilt, hoping he wouldn’t regret not saying good-bye.


	5. An Old Friend

Rey landed the Millennium Falcon among the trees of Takodana and turned off the engines. It was the first place she had come up with. The first place she’d ever gone after leaving Jakku, her first experience with green vegetation and sunlight that was gentle instead of harsh and blistering. And Maz was here, so there was someone to go to for supplies. The Falcon needed refueling and she needed to pack some food before she thought of going anywhere else. 

Rey hooked her lightsaber to her belt and slung her staff over her back, then disembarked. She took a deep breath of the crisp, clean air and closed her eyes, soaking in the sunlight as it streamed through the trees. After a moment, she opened her eyes again and made her way out of the forest. 

Maz’s palace was still being rebuilt after the First Order attack, but she had made sure to get enough built that patrons could still come to her cantina while construction continued. Rey walked past the swarms of worker droids and stepped inside. The crowd was smaller than the first time she’d been here, but business was by no means poor. A band played in the corner, drowning out the sounds of construction outside, and the bartender was making several drinks at once with his many arms.

Just then, Maz emerged from the crowd, her arms thrown wide.

“Rey, my dear girl,” she exclaimed. “Welcome back!”

“Hello, Maz,” Rey said, smiling.

“It is so good to see you,” said Maz. “Come, I’ll get you a drink.”

Rey followed her to a table near the back and waited for a few minutes for Maz to return, a glass in each hand. Once they’d both settled in, Maz looked up at her.

“So, what brings you to me? And by yourself?” she asked.

Rey hesitated, trying to figure out what to say.

“I, uh… needed a bit of a break from things. I’ve… been through something recently and, well… I just needed some time away. I thought I’d come to visit you. Refuel, get some supples. You know.”

Maz eyed her a moment. She took a long drink before responding.

“What you’ve seen… it’s something most could only imagine.”

Rey nodded.

“But you did not go through it alone.”

“No, I didn’t. But…” Rey paused. “They’ve got their own problems.”

Maz smiled sagely and reached across the table, laying her hand over Rey’s.

“They just need time. As do you.”

 

Rey stayed with Maz for three days. She helped out around the cantina in exchange for supplies, though Maz insisted she didn’t need to. But Rey wanted to; she wanted to stay busy, to have something to do. When the the third evening came, she packed up her supplies and loaded them onto the Falcon. Maz came out to see her off.

“Thank you for everything, Maz,” Rey said. “I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no trouble, my girl, none at all,” said Maz. “You’ll come back to see me soon, though, right?”

“Of course.”

“Good. And bring those boys with you too, I’ll knock their heads together for you.”

Rey laughed.

“I will,” she said. “Though hopefully they’ll have straightened up a bit by then.”

“I certainly hope so,” said Maz. “And I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.”

“Thank you,” Rey said again. She knelt down to hug her. “Good-bye.”

“Good-bye. May the Force be with you.”

Rey smiled and stood up, then boarded the Falcon and prepared for takeoff.


	6. Running On Empty

Finn woke up feeling groggy and stiff. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. It was certainly welcome, though. He’d been sleeping so little lately. Rubbing his neck, he got out of bed and left the room. Poe ought to be back by now – perhaps now they could finally talk and lay all this trouble to rest.

As he turned a corner, he came across General Organa, immersed in something on a datapad and clearly on her way to the strategy room. As Finn approached, she looked up.

“Ah, there you are,” she said. “Come with me.”

“Um, I was looking for Poe, ma’am,” said Finn. “Have you seen him?”

The general stared at him.

“Didn’t he tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Finn said apprehensively.

General Organa groaned.

“I swear, I’m going to smack that boy upside the head when he gets back.”

“Gets back from where?”

“There’s been a First Order attack in a town on Harix,” the general said. “Poe’s leading his squadron to counter the attack. I would have thought he’d tell you.”

“Yeah,” said Finn. “So would I.”

He couldn’t believe this. Not once since they’d known each other, even before they started dating, had Poe gone off on a mission without saying good-bye. He would’ve had to come back to the room to get his flight suit and Finn had been lying right there, asleep. Poe could have easily woken him up to let him know he was leaving. But he hadn’t. He’d just gone. Maybe he thought Finn was too mad at him, that he wouldn’t want to see him. And now he’d left without saying good-bye. What if something happened to him out there and they had never talked, never made up, the last words they shared angry and bitter?

A lump formed in Finn’s throat and he forcibly swallowed it back. He couldn’t cry. Not now. Poe would be alright, he had to be. Finn took a deep, shaky breath and went outside. It was still cold but the rain had stopped, so he sat down on a crate and waited.

 

***

 

The fleet came out of lightspeed just above Harix. A star destroyer hovered ominously not far away. Poe recognized the ship immediately – the _Finalizer_. He turned away and steered down through the planet’s atmosphere, forcing himself not to think about who was probably on that ship. 

“Alright, Black Squadron, follow me,” he said.

As he dropped down below the clouds, he saw the city, swarming with First Order troops, TIE fighters swooping down and opening fire indiscriminately.

“This is straight up a mass execution,” Jessika said, the disgust in her voice clear even over comms.

“Then let’s put an end to it,” said Poe.

He fired several shots at one of the TIEs, sending it careening down into the street. He flew low and took out a few stormtroopers before arcing upward once again. He was just turning to make another pass when his x-wing suddenly shuddered. Poe frowned, scanning the dashboard for any sign of what was wrong.

“Oh shit.”

“You alright there, Poe?” Snap asked.

“I forgot to refuel,” said Poe. “I was out flying before the mission, I forgot to refuel before we left.”

The ship shuddered again, dropping a foot or two. Poe forced it upwards again.

“BB-8, is there anything you can do?” he asked desperately.

_It’s not like I carry fuel around_ , BB-8 responded.

“Right, sorry, stupid question. Okay, plan B. What’s plan B?”

Just then, the fuel indicator slid down to zero and everything powered down.

“Shit.”

For a brief moment, they hovered there, kept afloat by the last dregs of momentum. Then suddenly they were spiraling down to earth. There was nothing Poe could do but brace for the impact.

 

***

 

Finn’s nose and fingers had gone numb with cold by the time the fleet returned. He stood up, rubbing his hands together to warm them as he watched the ships land one by one. But something wasn’t right. There was no sign of Poe’s x-wing. He heard the door open behind him and General Organa stepped outside, followed by a few other officers. 

As the pilots began to unload, Finn realized just how few had returned. Snap and Jessika came over, helmets under their arms. Both looked sadly at Finn before turning to General Organa.

“We drove away the enemy fleet,” Jess announced. “But the warehouse was destroyed and we lost several pilots.”

“No,” Finn said before he could stop himself. 

“They’re not all dead,” said Snap. “Those who survived being shot down were captured.”

“How many?” General Organa asked.

“Ten to fifteen, I’d guess,” said Snap. “Poe was one of them.”

Finn let out a shaky sigh of relief. Poe wasn’t dead. But if he was captured, than he was as good as dead. Or was he? General Hux had saved Poe’s life before; was it possible he’d do it again? Or was his loyalty to the First Order stronger than all they had gone through together?


	7. Fourteen Pilots

Captain Phasma stood by the ramp of the shuttle as her troops led the Resistance prisoners on board. Thirteen pilots had been pulled from the wreckage of their ships, alive and battered, and put in binders for delivery to the _Finalizer_. She was just preparing to board when a straggling stormtrooper marched over, leading a fourteenth prisoner. Phasma froze. She knew this man. The blood and bruises, rather than obscuring his identity, made him even more recognizable to her – Poe Dameron. As he was led up the ramp, he turned to look at her, an unreadable expression on his face. 

 

***

 

Hux watched from the bridge as the fleet returned to the _Finalizer_. He waited only a little impatiently as they boarded. When at last he heard the familiar heavy footsteps of Captain Phasma, he turned around.

“Your report, Captain?” he said.

“The warehouse is destroyed, sir,” Phasma said. “We have taken several Resistance pilots prisoner.”

“Excellent,” said Hux. “Perhaps some of them will prove useful under questioning.”

“There’s something else, sir.”

“Yes?”

“One of the prisoners… is Poe Dameron.”

Hux clenched his fists behind his back, determined not to show any emotion. It was times like this he envied Ren and Phasma’s helmets.

“Keep him separate from the other prisoners,” he said at last. “I’ll deal with him myself.”

“Where shall I take him, sir?” Phasma asked.

“Cell number seventeen. Make sure no one but me enters that room.”

“Yes sir,” said Phasma. “And the rest of the prisoners?”

“Have them questioned,” said Hux. “Once their usefulness expires, terminate them.”

 

***

 

Poe sat on the edge of the cold, hard bench, staring around at the blank metal walls of his cell. This wasn't what he expected. Last time he’d been a prisoner on the _Finalizer_ , he’d been strapped to an interrogation chair. But now they’d just left him in this little room, alone and unbound, but unable to escape. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there. A few hours, probably. Eventually he took off his flight vest and laid down, using it as a pillow. He was just starting to drift off when the door opened and General Hux stepped inside. Poe sat up. The door slid shut again and the two of them just stared at each other.

“So,” said Hux. “It’s true. You really are here.”

“Unfortunately.”

Silence fell again, tense and awkward.

“So,” Poe said finally, “what’re you gonna do to me? Kill me?”

“No. It would be senseless to kill you.”

“Interrogate me, then?”

“Well, that’s what I’m going to tell everyone.”

Poe frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I’ve got thirteen other Resistance pilots on board. Questioning them should be sufficient,” said Hux. “However, I have to have _some_ excuse for keeping you here. You’re a commander, highly trusted by General Organa herself. It would make sense for me to interrogate you personally. No one would question it.”

“Okay,” said Poe. “You’re not gonna question me, or kill me. So what _are_ you planning to do with me?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“So what, I’m just supposed to sit here?”

“For now.” Hux paused and sighed. “You understand I can’t let you go. Whatever debts we have between us, my loyalty is first and foremost to the First Order. But that doesn’t mean anyone has to lay a hand on you.”

“I don’t get it,” said Poe. “Why would any of that matter to you? Debts and honor and all that noble shit. Besides, it was _you_ who saved _my_ life, not the other way around. If either of us owes a debt, it’s me. So why are you doing this?”

“Look, you picked a very inconvenient time to get yourself captured,” Hux said. “I still haven’t figured out what I would do if faced with you or your friends. And now here you are, at my mercy, considerably sooner than planned.”

“I’m sorry my kidnapping conflicted with your moral dilemma,” Poe said sarcastically. 

“Don’t get smart with me, Dameron.”

They both fell silent for a moment, staring at each other, each wondering just how dead this situation would make them. Then Hux cleared his throat.

“You’ll be brought food twice a day,” he announced.

Then he turned and knocked three times on the door. It slid open and he stepped out, leaving Poe once again alone.


	8. Miles Apart

Two days had passed since the battle on Harix and no effort had been made to rescue the captured pilots. It wasn’t that no one cared – it was very obvious how much it pained General Organa to leave them all there – it was just that any attempt at a rescue would end with more lives lost than saved. 

None of this helped Finn’s state of mind in the least. Poe was alive, he knew he was, but he had no way to save him. He could be anywhere in the galaxy by now, and even if Finn had the exact coordinates, he would have no way to get there. 

He wished Rey was here. It wasn’t as though having her there would magically bring Poe home too, but just her comforting presence would help him feel at least a little less miserable. And he’d have someone to talk to, someone who understood. 

He should have talked to Poe about all this stuff when he had the chance. There was so much Finn needed to say to him, so much they had left unsaid. He couldn’t stand it if they were separated forever without having said any of it, without having even said good-bye.

But he was stuck here and Poe was stuck Force knows where and there was no knowing if they would ever see each other again. It was enough to drive Finn mad. That certainly felt like the direction he was going. He had spent the last two days wandering the halls of the base, popping in to ask General Organa if there was any news so often that it was only a matter of time before she set a guard to keep him at bay. But there was nothing else he could think of to do. He could barely sleep, couldn’t focus on anything. All he could do was replay his final conversation with Poe over and over in his mind, drowning in regret for the things he’d said, hoping that he’d have the chance to apologize.

As the days dragged on, Finn began to lose hope. The longer Poe spent in a First Order cell, the more likely it was that he was dead. And yet Finn couldn’t bring himself to believe that day had come. If Poe was dead, he would know. He would just know, he could feel it. He knew what it felt like for Poe Dameron to be dead, and as long as that feeling was absent, he knew that Poe must still be alive.

 

***

 

It was hard to count the days from a prison cell, but Poe was pretty sure he’d been there at least a week. Everything was just one long string of the same thing, repeating over and over again until he was sure it would eventually drive him insane. Just as Hux had promised, a stormtrooper brought him food twice a day. It was just water and a hunk of slightly stale bread, but it could have been worse. At least they were feeding him. 

Every day, Hux came to his cell in order to keep up the pretense that he was interrogating Poe. He would stay anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour. Mostly they just sat there in silence, but occasionally Hux would tell him the weather in the nearby systems or update him on his fellow prisoners. Five of them were dead now and Poe wondered how long it would be before Hux got bored of all this and decided to add him to their number.

Still, he appreciated the company while he had it, even though it was Hux. Being alone while flying his x-wing was one thing. Out there he was free. Being alone in a prison cell… that was hell. Trapped in a cold, hard box with no way of knowing if he’d ever see sunlight again. Or if he’d ever see Finn again. 

Anytime he thought of Finn, his heart ached. He knew that as long as he lived, he would never regret anything as much as he regretted not waking Finn to say good-bye. It ate at him, that regret, and the guilt from how he’d been acting the last few weeks. He should have just _said_ something, instead of flying off every time it all became too much. He should have told Finn everything, told him how much what had happened to them weighed on his chest and suffocated him. But instead he’d shut down and shut Finn out and now they were so far apart with no way of knowing if it was forever.


	9. Out of the Wreckage

Rey spent a week hopping from planet to planet, finding all the quietest corners of the galaxy to hide away in. It was relaxing to get away, and had helped her straighten out her mind and emotions, just as she’d hoped. But she was starting to get lonely again. The quiet was good, but it was beginning to feel too quiet. She needed to go someplace busy, full of life.

The nearest planet that fit the bill was Harix. She’d never been there before, but she knew the Resistance had a connection at a warehouse in the capitol. So she set the coordinates into the navcomputer and flew down toward the surface. As soon as the city appeared on the horizon, she knew something was wrong. Most of the buildings had been bombed out and the wreckages of several x-wings and TIE fighters littered the streets. 

Rey landed the Falcon in the public hangar and disembarked. Her heart sank as she took in the ruins of the city. People loitered around hollow buildings, scavenging food scraps, huddling in doorways. Their homes had been destroyed. There was no where for them to go. Rey walked down the street, looking around sadly. The First Order must have found out about their warehouse. 

She turned a corner and found the entire street blocked off by the wreck of a very familiar black x-wing. Her heart skipped a beat, then began beating overtime.

“No,” she gasped, rushing forward. “No no no, not you.”

She clambered desperately into the wreckage, tears welling up and blinding her. Climbing over one of the s-foils, she at last reached the cockpit. But it was empty. And lying on the ground next to the ship was Poe’s helmet. Rey reached down and picked it up. The blast shield was cracked and the paint was chipped. She held the helmet to her chest and glanced around, as though she would find some hint of what had happened to Poe. 

Then suddenly, a sad bleeping caught her attention. She whipped around and her eyes widened.

“BB-8!” she exclaimed.

The droid was still in the co-pilot pit, clearly stuck. She hurried forward and set the helmet aside before climbing up onto the back of the ship to get him out.

_Rey! What are you doing here?_ BB-8 beeped.

“I was in the area, I didn’t realize the First Order had been here,” Rey said. “How long have you been stuck in here?”

_A week._

Rey froze and stared at the droid in horror.

“A week?!” She paused, her heart sinking again. “BB-8… what happened to Poe?”

_They took him_ , BB-8 replied. 

“I’ve got to go back,” Rey said. “We’ve got to get back to the Resistance.”

At last she managed to get BB-8 free and carefully lowered him to the ground. Then she scooped up Poe’s helmet and hopped down.

“Come on, BB-8,” she said. “Let’s go home.”

She led the way back to the hangar and onto the Millennium Falcon. She hadn’t planned on going back so soon, but perhaps it was better this way. Perhaps the Force had willed it. Her loneliness had driven her to Harix, to BB-8 and the carnage left behind by the First Order. But maybe it wasn’t her loneliness. Maybe it was fate. Maybe the Force had led her there, had put her on the path toward saving Poe.


	10. Laid Bare

“I wonder what this is about,” Hux said.

He and Ren had been summoned to speak with Snoke rather suddenly; they had only spoken to him four hours ago, but he had wanted to meet with them again. Hux opened the door and they stepped inside. The massive hologram of Snoke was already waiting for them.

“You wished to speak with us, Supreme Leader,” Ren said.

“Yes, I did,” said Snoke. “It has occurred to me that General Hux has been quite unsuccessful with the prisoner he has promised he could break.”

“I told you, Supreme Leader, I need time,” said Hux. 

“You have had time, General,” said Snoke. “Perhaps your methods are not the right ones for making this man speak. That is why I am ordering Lord Ren to interrogate him.”

Hux swallowed hard, forcing his mind and expression to stay stoic.

“But Supreme Leader-“

“Silence, General,” Snoke interrupted. “Lord Ren, I trust you will do whatever is necessary to make him talk.”

“I will, Supreme Leader,” said Ren.

“Very good.”

The hologram flickered and vanished. They left the chamber in silence. As soon as the door slid shut behind them, Hux turned to Ren.

“Don’t hurt him,” he said quietly. “Please, I gave him my word. Don’t hurt him, don’t use the Force on him or whatever it is you do.”

“Why is this so important to you?” Ren asked. “You hate him, and yet you’re protecting him.”

“I can’t explain it, you know even _I_ don’t understand it,” said Hux. “And honestly, that confusion is the only reason I’ve been able to lie to Snoke this whole time. I’m sorry to have to drag you into it too, but… please. Just promise me.”

“You have my word.”

Ren gave him a fleeting kiss, then put on his helmet and marched away.

 

***

 

The door to his cell slid open and Poe sat up. But it wasn’t Hux. Instead, the imposing, masked figure of Kylo Ren stepped inside.

“Why are you here?” Poe asked before he could stop himself.

“Orders from Snoke,” said Ren. “Hux’s interrogation methods weren’t working fast enough for him.”

Poe stared at him nervously, not sure how much Ren knew, if he knew anything at all. Ren removed his helmet and set it on the floor.

“Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” he said. “Hux asked me not to. And even if he hadn’t, I’m not sure I would.”

“Really?” Poe said.

This was all too strange. He hadn’t known what to expect when faced with Hux, Ren, and Phasma after all that had happened, but he certainly had not expected mercy.

“Yes, really,” said Ren. “Now, what is it you and Hux do when he’s supposedly interrogating you?”

“Mostly we just sit here,” said Poe. “Sometimes he tells me about the weather.”

“We’re in space. There is no weather.”

“On the nearby planets, you moron.”

Ren scowled but otherwise ignored the insult.

“So you really do just sit around staring at each other and making small talk,” he said. “That sounds impressively dull.”

“Try sitting in a cell by yourself all day,” Poe shot back. “At least he’s some sort of human contact, even if we don’t talk much and don’t particularly like each other.”

“Still…”

Poe chuckled. They fell silent for a few minutes, neither quite sure how to act around the other. Finally, Poe spoke up.

“So, how are you doing?” he asked. “I mean, like… are you… handling things okay?”

“Handling things?” Ren repeated.

“Yeah. Y’know. Coping.”

“You really want to know if I’m coping alright?”

“Look, you’re right, this is boring and awkward,” said Poe. “I’m just trying to pass the time.”

“Fine then. I’m fine. A few nightmares, but that’s nothing new.” There was a long pause. “How are you coping?”

“Terribly, thanks for asking. What about Hux, how’re you two… doing, or whatever?”

Ren raised an eyebrow, looking almost amused.

“We’re fine,” he said. “Better than fine, actually.”

“Typical,” said Poe. “I as good as wreck my relationship and get myself captured, but my mortal enemies are honeymooning.”

“I didn’t realize things were so bad,” said Ren. “You seemed to be alright when we parted ways before.”

“Yeah well, a lot can happen in a few weeks. Getting captured, for example, is really not helping my situation.”

“You know we can’t let you go.”

“I know,” said Poe. “However, if I stole your lightsaber and smashed my way out of here…”

“Don’t even think about it,” Ren said flatly.

“Just kidding.”

“This is why no one realizes when you’re suffering, Dameron,” said Ren. “You have this compulsion to make jokes out of everything.”

“It’s a coping mechanism,” Poe said. “If I let myself feel all these things, I’d lose it, I’d…”

He stopped, scared just to think about it. He’d been far too close to that place, had let himself feel too much, and he’d pushed Finn away because of it. He bit his lip and turned away.

“I have bad dreams too. I die in most of them. ‘Cause that’s something I’ve, y’know, already done. And you want to know the worst part?” he said. “Not all the dreams where I die are bad.”

“I dream of dying too,” said Ren. “But I always wake up before I actually die.”

“Lucky. You get to die in your dreams like a normal person.”

“You dream of actually being dead?”

“Yup.”

“What’s it like?”

“I have no idea,” said Poe. “I can never remember afterwards. I just wake up in a cold sweat with a killer headache and know I’ve died again.”

They fell silent again. Ren didn’t seem to know what to say, and Poe felt suddenly awkward. 

“I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this,” he said. “I haven’t even told Finn.”

“You’re dreaming of death and you haven’t told your boyfriend?” said Ren. “No wonder your relationship is in shambles.”

Poe made a face and ran a hand through his hair, sighing.

“I’m an asshole, I know. And a terrible boyfriend.”

“From what I’ve witnessed, I don’t believe that to be true,” Ren said. “You are, however, definitely an asshole.”

“Thanks, Ren, I feel so much better about myself,” Poe said sarcastically.

“I’m not your therapist, I’m just here to pretend I’m interrogating you. You’re the one who decided to unload all your emotional baggage.”

“Yeah, to the wrong person,” said Poe. “I should’ve told Finn all this ages ago.”

“But you didn’t,” said Ren. “That’s not my problem. It certainly passed the time, though.”

“What, you’re leaving?”

Ren looked at him incredulously.

“You want me to stay?”

“I mean, no, but I kinda just bared my soul,” Poe said. “It feels a little like emotional prostitution.”

For a moment, it looked like Ren might laugh. Then he bent down to pick up his helmet.

“If you ever get out of here,” he said. “talk to him.”

“I will.”

Then Ren put on his helmet and left. Poe sat there a moment, just staring at the door. He felt raw, flayed and naked. He hadn’t even meant to say any of those things. But once he'd started, it had all just come tumbling out. All these terrible truths wanted to be spoken, to be heard, no matter how much it scared him to say them out loud. But he thought he could do it now. He was still afraid, but he could do it. All he had to do was find a way to get back to Finn.


	11. Nothing's Impossible

Finn lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. It was three in the morning, but he couldn’t sleep. It had been getting harder and harder to fall asleep these days. Not that he’d been sleeping well before Rey left and Poe got captured. But now he was on his third sleepless night in a row. He was utterly exhausted.

He rolled onto his side with a heavy sigh, knowing a change of position wouldn’t help in the slightest. He had just started getting comfortable when there was suddenly an urgent knock on the door. He sat bolt upright, his heart pounding. There were only a handful of reasons someone would be knocking on his door at this time of night.

Finn got out of bed and pulled on a shirt, then went to answer the door. It was Jess, looking breathless, her hair pulled back in a messy bun and her eyes wide and shining.

“Is everything okay?” Finn asked.

“You told me to wake you up if there was news,” said Jess. “Well, I’ve got some. The Millennium Falcon has returned.”

Finn stared at her in disbelief. _Rey_. Rey was back. He flew into action, shoving his feet into the nearest pair of boots and grabbing a jacket. Then he and Jess took off running and didn’t stop until they’d reached the tarmac. A turbulent wind swirled around them as the Falcon lowered to the ground and touched down. Finn fought to catch his breath, but his heart kept racing in anticipation. He watched anxiously as the ramp lowered. It seemed to move so slowly. Then finally, Rey stepped out onto the pavement. 

Finn beamed and ran forward. The moment she saw him, Rey’s face lit up and she started running too. They met each other halfway, colliding into a desperate hug. 

“You’re back,” said Finn. “I can’t believe it.”

“I’m so sorry I left like that,” Rey said. “I should’ve explained myself…”

“It’s okay, I’m just happy you’re here.”

They finally pulled apart, smiling, taking in each other’s faces. Then Rey frowned.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You look dreadful.”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” said Finn. “Poe-“

“Got captured,” said Rey. “I know. That’s why I knew I had to come back.”

“How did you-?”

Just then, there was a familiar bleeping and Finn looked down to see BB-8 gazing up at them, a bit banged up but miraculously still in one piece.

“BB-8!” Finn exclaimed. “You’re okay! I thought for sure you’d been destroyed in the crash.”

BB-8 beeped again and Rey giggled.

“What’d he say?” Finn said.

“He says it’d take a lot more than that to get rid of him.”

Finn grinned.

“I believe it.”

 

***

 

Rey, Finn, Jess, and BB-8 retreated inside and into the deserted mess hall. None of them would be able to sleep now, so they decided to stay up together the rest of the night and report to General Organa first thing in the morning. They sat around a table, telling each other what had happened to them in the last week. Finn and Jess didn't have much to report; after the battle on Harix, things had gone uncannily quiet around the base. Rey, on the other hand, had had plenty of adventures. She told them about visiting Maz and about all the planets she’d gone to. 

But she wasn't focused on telling her stories. She spoke on autopilot, her attention drawn to Finn. He really did look a mess. There were dark circles under his eyes and a shadow of a beard was beginning to darken his jaw. The last week had not been kind to him.

“I really am sorry I left the way I did,” she said. “And _when_ I did…”

“It’s not your fault that Poe got captured,” said Finn. 

“I know. But I could’ve been here for you.”

Finn shook his head.

“You needed to get away, I get it,” he said. “Yeah, I wished you were here every single day, but you don’t have to apologize for it.”

“Still,” said Rey, reaching out to take his hand. “That’s not gonna stop me from feeling bad about it. But I’m here now, and we’re gonna do everything we can to get Poe back.”

Finn smiled a little, but hung his head, staring sadly at their clasped hands.

“The list of things we can do to save him isn’t looking very long _or_ successful,” he said.

“Well, what’s been tried so far?”

“Nothing,” said Jess.

“ _Nothing_?” Rey echoed. “At all?”

“The cost outweighed the outcome and the odds of succeeding were… very bad.”

“I can’t believe… nothing? No one’s done _anything_?” said Rey incredulously. “General Organa can’t have approved of this. Since when have terrible odds ever stopped her from doing anything?”

“She’s hated it, trust me,” said Jess. “But even she’s gotta admit it’s impossible.”

“Nothing’s impossible.”

“I appreciate this, Rey, really I do,” said Finn. “But we don’t even know where they’re keeping him. Or if he’s even alive.”

“You’re not giving up on him?” Rey said.

“Never,” said Finn. “I know he’s not dead. I can feel it. But I can’t explain that to anyone else. I don’t have the Force like you do. I don’t know why I’m so sure of this, but I am. And no one’s gonna understand that.”

“When morning comes, we’ll talk to General Organa,” said Rey. “She’ll understand.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. We’re going to save him, Finn, I promise.”


	12. Sucker For Pain

Green eyes were the last thing Poe saw before a flash of light engulfed his vision and he woke with astart. His head throbbed, the light of the blast still imprinted on the inside of his eyelids every time he blinked. He lifted shaking hands to his face and wiped away the cold sweat that plastered his hair to his forehead.

Just once, he’d like the last person he saw before dreaming of death to be Finn. But even his nightmares wanted to keep them apart. He closed his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyelids until he saw spots, driving out the ghost of the blaster shot that still lingered there. His heart rate slowed back to normal and his breathing steadied and finally he opened his eyes again. He wasn’t alone. 

Poe sat up so fast he nearly blacked out. His heart pounded as he stared at the First Order officer, who was just standing there watching him with a smug smirk.

“Having nightmares, are we?” the officer said.

“How did you get in here?” Poe demanded.

“Through the door.”

“Hux said no one was going to come in here but him.”

“Well, what General Hux doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” said the officer. “Though it will certainly hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” said Poe.

“The general’s methods with you don’t seem to be working. It’s time someone took matters into their own hands.”

The officer stepped forward, taking off his gloves and stowing them in his pocket before drawing a knife. Poe swallowed hard, keeping his eyes fixed on the knife as the man came closer. When he reached the bench where Poe sat, he grabbed Poe by the throat and forced him onto his back, then climbed up onto the bench and knelt with one knee pressed into Poe’s chest, holding him down.

“I want you to think very carefully about how much your precious Resistance is worth to you, because once we begin, you will have a limited time to answer my questions,” the officer said. “Is that clear?”

“Not really,” said Poe. “What exactly are you gonna do to me?”

“Make you desperate,” said the officer. “If you cooperate in time, I’ll make it stop. If not, I let you die. Either way, it’s satisfying to me.”

He removed his hand from Poe’s throat and grabbed his left arm, gripping so tight it hurt. Poe watched in fear and confusion as the man raised his knife. Then he pressed the knife to Poe’s skin and carved a deep gash into his wrist. Poe gasped in pain. A spurt of blood gushed down his forearm from the open vein before the officer let Poe’s arm fall, his hand dangling over the edge of the bench.

“You have until all the blood drains from that wound,” the officer said. “Now, tell me where your base is.”

“Never,” Poe snarled through gritted teeth.

“If you don’t talk, you’ll die.”

“You think that scares me? I’ve done it before.”

A flicker of misgiving flashed across the man’s face, but it was gone in an instant. 

“Everyone is afraid of death, no matter how much they gloat of their imperviousness,” he said coldly. “Stop bluffing and tell me about the Resistance.”

Poe could feel hot blood running down his wrist, could hear the faint patter of it dripping to the floor. 

“I’m not bluffing,” he said. “I’ve seen horrors you could never dream of. I’ve seen death. This? This is nothing.”

The officer sneered at him, letting the tip of his blade tease along Poe’s collarbone. Poe forced his breathing to remain steady, though he couldn’t hide how fast his heart was beating. He had to admit, he had been bluffing just a little bit. He’d died quick before, he hadn’t had time to feel it. But now, he could already feel the life draining out of him. Death would sneak up on him, smother him as all the blood in his body gradually pooled on the floor.

“You _will_ tell me where your base is,” the officer said.

He dug the very tip of his knife into Poe’s shoulder, increasing the pressure the longer he stayed silent. Poe inhaled sharply and bit the inside of his cheek until he tasted blood. He didn’t want to give the man the satisfaction of seeing him in pain.

Suddenly, the door of the cell slid open and Hux stepped inside. He froze, staring in disgusted fury.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he said, marching forward.

“Interrogating our prisoner,” the officer replied.

Hux grabbed the man by the collar and dragged him off of Poe.

“ _My_ prisoner,” he snapped. “No one gave you authorization for this. Captain Phasma, take this man and put him in a cell. I don’t care which one, just get him out of my sight.”

Phasma appeared in the doorway, and took the officer by the arm.

“Yes, sir,” she said.

She led him away and the door slid shut behind her. Hux turned to Poe, flushed with anger.

“Dear lord, what has he done to you?” he muttered. “I’ll be right back.”

Then he swept out of the cell just as suddenly as he’d entered it. Poe let out a shaky breath, his eyes stinging with tears as he finally let the everything wash over him. He turned his head and stared at the wound on his wrist. Even from here he could tell that the cut was deep and, based on the amount of blood soaking his forearm and hand, had probably hit a vein.

The door opened and Hux came back in, carrying a medical kit. He came over and set it on the bench, then nudged Poe on the shoulder.

“Come on, sit up,” he said.

“Sure that’s a good idea?” Poe mumbled weakly.

Hux pursed his lips, then after a moment’s hesitation, knelt down next to the bench instead. He removed his gloves and took Poe’s arm in his hands, inspecting the damage.

“Damn, that’s deep…” he said.

“Well, he _was_ trying to kill me, so…”

“Shut up, Dameron, you’ve bled half to death.”

Poe couldn’t deny he was tempted to sass him, but he simply didn’t have the energy. He was dizzy from blood loss and the quickly retreating adrenaline of being held at knifepoint. Hux opened up the med kit and took out a bottle. He poured some of the liquid onto a piece of gauze, then started cleaning the wound.

“Why are you doing this?” Poe asked. “You could just let me bleed to death and save yourself all the trouble.”

“I don’t know,” said Hux quietly. “I don’t want you dead, and I can’t explain it.”

“Still, you could’ve just slapped a bandage on this and called it good, but you’re… taking care of me. And it’s kinda freaking me out.”

“What did I say about shutting up, Dameron?”

Hux finished cleaning the wound and kept pressure on it with one hand to stem the bleeding while he dug through the med kit with the other.

“You cleaned me up when I lost my eye,” he said finally. “Consider this returning the favor.”

He pulled out a suture kit and set it in his lap.

“Put pressure on this, will you?”

Poe turned onto his side and took the gauze from Hux. 

“Do you even know how to use that?” he asked, watching him unwrap the suture kit and thread the needle.

“In theory.”

“That is _not_ comforting.”

Hux drew a flask from his pocket and handed it wordlessly to Poe. Poe took it and flipped open the cap, sniffing it apprehensively.

“What is this?” 

“Whiskey,” said Hux. “Drink. This is probably going to hurt.”

Poe took a swig and grimaced as the alcohol burned the back of his throat.

“Alright, get this over with,” he said.

Hux took a deep breath and started suturing the wound. Poe tried watching for the first stitch or two, but it made him queasy so he took another drink of whiskey and stared at the wall instead. Hux worked slowly, and every second of it hurt like hell, but Poe was determined to bear it silently. At last, Hux tied off the final stitch. Poe sighed shakily and took another long drink while Hux wrapped his wrist in a bandage and packed up the med kit.

“Thanks,” Poe said, handing back the flask.

Hux took it and took a drink before closing the lid and putting it back in his pocket.

“It’s nothing, I’ve just been… carrying it around lately,” he said.

“I meant for stitching me up,” said Poe. “But thanks for the whiskey too.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Have you been… drinking a lot lately?” Poe asked tentatively.

“Not a _lot_ ,” said Hux. “More than I used to.”

“Right.”

“You’ve lost a lot of blood, you need something to eat.” Hux stood up very suddenly. “I’ll see about getting you something.”

Then he left again. Poe stared at the door for a moment before turning his attention to the white bandage now wrapped tightly around his wrist. Patches of slowly drying blood still covered his forearm and hand, but the bleeding had thankfully stopped. Hux’s sutures may have been painful and amateur, but at least they were doing their job. 

“Well, I guess that’s another scar to add to the collection,” Poe muttered to himself.

He sighed heavily and fought off the urge to close his eyes. Several minutes passed before Hux returned, carrying a glass of water and a plate of food.

“Alright, this time you need to sit up,” he said, crossing the room.

Poe sat up slowly, wincing, and leaned back against the wall. A rush of dizziness went to his head and he closed his eyes for a moment. When he reopened them, Hux was sitting next to him. He handed Poe the plate and set the glass on the bench between them. Poe looked down at the food; it was just standard issue rations, but it was more than he’d gotten all week.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Just trying to keep you alive,” said Hux. “I’m not going anywhere ’til you’ve eaten, so you’d better get a move on.”

Poe raised an eyebrow at him and began to eat. They sat in awkward silence while he ate, neither of them particularly keen on bringing up what had just happened. But they couldn’t just let it stew, Poe knew that. When he was finished, he set aside the plate and turned to Hux.

“So,” he said. “Do you really have no idea why you keep doing all this for me?”

Hux stared straight ahead for a few seconds before answering.

“I really don’t. I hate you and everything you stand for, but after all that happened on that planet… I can’t bring myself to kill you. Or even just let you die.”

“You could’ve kept me from dying without cleaning me up and feeding me.”

“I’m not used to this sort of thing,” said Hux irritably, turning to him at last. “I’m not used to caring about anything but the cause. But now… I care for Ren. And in some fucked up way, I suppose I care for you.”

Poe just stared, absolutely flabbergasted.

“You… care for me?” he said. “But you also hate me… how-?”

“I said it was fucked up, didn’t I?” said Hux. “Look, I don’t know if ‘care’ is the right word for it, like I said, I’m not used to this.”

“I really don’t understand,” said Poe.

“Neither do I, and it’s infuriating.”

Hux stood up.

“I don’t like that this is happening,” he said. “I wish I could just interrogate and kill you like I’ve done with all the others. But I can’t, so… this is just how it’s going to be. You’ve ruined me, Dameron.”

Then he turned away and left. Poe lay back down and stared at the ceiling, trying to make sense of what Hux had said until he drifted off to sleep.


	13. Rogue

When the sun finally rose, Finn, Rey, Jess, and BB-8 went to speak with General Organa. Finn couldn’t deny he was nervous. He knew it was a long shot, coming up with any way to save Poe. The general had surely run through the list, crossing out every option. But he wanted to have hope, he wanted to believe that Rey was right and they could find a way to save him.

They reached General Organa’s office just as an officer was leaving. The general stood in the doorway, smiling as they approached.

“The lieutenant was just telling me you were back,” she said. “It’s good to see you, Rey.”

“Good to see you too, General,” said Rey. “Can we talk?”

“Of course.”

General Organa beckoned them inside. Once they were all seated, she turned to Rey.

“I’m going to make a wild guess and say that you visited Harix on your travels,” she said with a glance at BB-8.

“I did. It was what made me realize I needed to come back,” said Rey. “Is there really nothing you can do about Poe?”

“I wish there was,” said General Organa. “I’ve thought up a hundred scenarios, and none of them have even the remotest chance of success. And it’s been so long now… the odds of Poe or any of the other pilots still being alive…”

“But he _is_ alive,” said Rey. “Tell her, Finn.”

Finn looked at her, biting his lip anxiously. BB-8 bleeped encouragingly. He turned to the general and took a deep breath.

“I don’t think Poe is dead. I know it sound stupid but…” He paused a moment before continuing. “I can just tell. I _know_ he’s alive. I don’t know how I know. I can just… feel it.”

General Organa considered him for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face.

“I believe you,” she said at last.

“You do?”

“Yes. I do.” She stood up and went to the window, gazing out pensively at the early morning sun. “We can’t always explain these things. These feelings. The Force is mysterious like that. And when you love someone like you love Poe… sometimes you just know.”

“But I don’t have the Force,” Finn said. “I’m not a Jedi.”

“Maybe not,” the general said. “But I’ve found it’s best not to question these things. If you sense something with such certainty, it’s best to trust your feelings.”

“But we still don’t have a way to save Poe.”

“Not yet.”

“This is going to sound crazy,” said Jess suddenly. “Probably because it is. I mean, it’s basically suicide. But… maybe we don’t have to send a whole fleet after him. Maybe just… a few people. Three or four, maybe.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Rey said, her eyes suddenly alight.

“You mean, just the three of us chasing down a star destroyer?” said Finn. 

“You know I can’t officially condone that,” said General Organa.

BB-8 beeped inquisitively. 

“Officially?” Jess repeated. “So… you couldn’t send us on this mission… but if we went rogue…?”

General Organa smiled, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

“There’d be nothing I could do to stop you.”

 

***

 

Two hours later, they met up again in the hangar. They each carried a bag loaded with weapons and supplies, anything they could possibly need for their mission.

“This is absolutely insane,” said Finn. “We’re definitely gonna die.”

“You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” Jess said.

“Hell no,” said Finn. “I’ve got to save Poe.”

“Then let’s do this,” said Rey.

BB-8 bleeped and started to lead the way. When they reached the Millennium Falcon, they stopped. Snap stood waiting for them, leaning casually against one of the ramp poles.

“And where do you think you’re going?” he asked.

“Um…” Finn replied.

Snap grinned.

“It’s okay, I know what you’re doing,” he said. “General Organa _may_ have mentioned that you guys had suggested that you might go rescue Poe and expressed concern that three people and a droid were considering facing a First Order star destroyer on their own. So I figured, an extra pair of hands might be the difference between life and obliteration.”

“The general is one wily woman,” Jess said, beaming. “Welcome to the team, Snap.”

“I hope you’ve got some weapons,” Rey said.

Snap held up a bag in response.

“Good. Now come on.”

They all boarded the Falcon and went to the cockpit. Rey took the pilot’s chair and Jess took co-pilot, leaving Finn and Snap to squeeze into the seats behind them. BB-8 rolled up between them, bleeping excitedly.

“Everybody ready?” Rey asked.

“Hell yeah,” said Finn.

“Okay, Jess, let’s take it away.”

They started the engines and the lights in the cockpit flickered to life. Finn’s heart was pounding anxiously in his chest. He couldn’t believe it. They were really doing this. They were going to save Poe. They had just started to lift off when a voice crackled in over the comms.

“Millennium Falcon, you are not authorized for take off.”

“Yeah, we know,” Rey responded.

“Where are you going this time?” the voice said wearily.

“We’re going rogue.”


	14. Time's Up

Hux and Ren were silent as they walked down the halls of the _Finalizer_. Snoke had summoned them without warning again, and it was making Hux nervous. The previous day’s events still ran through his mind on repeat. He couldn’t shake the feeling of sickly horror he had gotten when he’d entered the cell to find a pool of blood, the sergeant looming over Dameron like a vulture. But he had to push all that away, hide it in the farthest corner of his mind where Snoke couldn’t reach it if he tried to comb through Hux’s thoughts. 

They reached the door to the holo chamber and stepped inside. Snoke was waiting for them, the edges of his image flickering slightly. Hux took a deep breath and emptied his mind, his face going blank and cold like marble.

“You wished to speak with us, Supreme Leader?” Ren said.

“Yes,” said Snoke. “The pilot, Poe Dameron. He has been in your custody over a week, General, and you have still gotten nothing out of him.”

“He’s a difficult man to break, Supreme Leader,” said Hux.

“Even Lord Ren could not make him speak.”

“Like General Hux said-“

“I seem to remember you breaking him quite easily when you were searching for the map to Skywalker,” Snoke interrupted.

There was a tense silence.

“He seems to have strengthened his mind since then,” said Ren. “He wasn’t ready for it the first time. This time he was, and he fought back.”

Snoke just stared at them and for a moment Hux was worried he would somehow strike them down from halfway across the galaxy.

“Nevertheless,” he said at last, “it is clear to me that continuing to interrogate him is a pointless endeavor. He is no longer of use to us.”

“What do you mean?” Hux asked.

“He must be disposed of,” said Snoke. “Tomorrow morning, take him to the nearest star system. There, he will be executed.”

 

***

 

Neither of them spoke until they reached Ren’s quarters. As soon as the door slid shut behind them, Hux turned to Ren.

“ _Executed_?” he exclaimed. “He can’t be executed! I gave him my word he’d be safe!”

“Then why were you silent?” Ren said. “You could have asked for more time, or-“

“No, I couldn’t have,” said Hux. “I’ve been allowed more time than I should have been.”

“You’re the general, Hux, you’re the most powerful man in the First Order.”

“No I’m not. The most powerful man in the First Order is hardly even a man at all.”

“Hux…”

“There’s nothing I can do,” said Hux. “If I so much as suggest that I don’t approve of his execution, I might as well be marching to the gallows right behind him.”

Ren stepped forward and gently took him by the shoulders.

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, that I promise,” he said. “You’re right. There’s nothing more you can do for him. Leader Snoke gave his orders. You have to let it go.”

Hux sighed heavily and rested his forehead against Ren’s chest, closing his eyes. Ren was right, of course. All his attempts to be merciful, to pay a debt he was hardly sure he owed, had come to naught. Poe Dameron would die tomorrow at dawn.


	15. Long and Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter title from "Long and Lost" by Florence + the Machine]
> 
> i know this chapter is annoyingly short, but sometimes you just get one of those scenes that *has* to be written. this was one of those.

As Rey steered the Millennium Falcon out into the dark vastness of space, Jess opened her bag and started setting up some of the tracking tech she had nicked from the base. They were all silent for a while, each of them deep in their own thoughts and worries about what they were doing. It really was a crazy suicide mission, there was no denying it, but if he didn’t think about it too hard, Finn almost believed it might work.

“Hey Finn,” Jess said suddenly. “It’s gonna be a while before anything exciting happens. And you look wiped. Why don’t you go and try to get some sleep?”

“I mean, I dunno how much good it’ll do, but I can try,” said Finn.

He stood up and went back into the cabin. He _was_ exhausted, honestly. He was approaching seventy-five hours of zero sleep. But his recent insomnia coupled with anxiety over this mission didn’t give him much hope for sleeping now. Still, he knew he should try. He would be no good to anyone if he passed out from exhaustion in the middle of a fight.

As he passed through the main cabin, something on the table caught his eye. He turned to look and his heart skipped a beat. It was Poe’s helmet. Rey must have found it at the crash site when she’d found BB-8. Finn went over and picked it up. A long crack spidered along the blast shield, but it was mostly unharmed. He sat down behind the table, holding the helmet between his hands. 

“We’ll find you, Poe,” he whispered. “I promise. Just hang in there.”

He closed his eyes and pressed a gentle kiss just above the visor. As his lips met the cold metal, a strange feeling swept over him. One of impending doom.


	16. Death Sentence

Poe woke up feeling groggy, too out of it to know what had woken him right away. He sat up, rubbing his eyes, then noticed Hux standing in the doorway, looking grim.

“Sorry to wake you,” he said. “But I have some news.”

Poe nodded, not yet awake enough to form words.

“I’m afraid you’ve been sentenced to death,” Hux went on.

Poe swallowed hard.

“When?” he asked.

“At dawn,” Hux replied. “We’ve set a course to the Hutlar system. When we land, you’ll be executed. I’m sorry.”

“I understand. Thanks for telling me.”

Hux nodded. He stood there a moment, looking as though there was more he wanted to say. Then he turned and left. Poe took a deep, shaky breath and leaned back against the wall. So this was it. This was his last day. It was strange. He didn’t feel anything. Not yet anyway. He just felt numb. 

He sat there for what felt likes ages as the news sank in. His initial numbness started to melt away, giving way to at least a dozen different emotions. Fear, betrayal, anger, but most of all, regret. He thought of Finn and all the things he’d never said to him, and now would never get the chance. He should have said good-bye, should have given him one last kiss, should have let him in instead of hiding everything he was feeling out of fear. 

But all those “should have”s were no use to him, not anymore. By morning, he would be dead. And he would never see Finn again. Poe closed his eyes, picturing Finn’s face, his smile, his laugh, all the things he would never experience again. A choked sob escaped him and he buried his face in his hands.

 

***

 

There couldn’t have been many hours left until they reached Hutlar. Poe had no way of knowing how long it would be. How soon he would die. But he knew it wouldn’t be long now. Any minute, that door would open and he’d be led away to the end of his life. He had almost accepted it. Just almost. He could accept his own death. He had done it before. But he couldn’t accept that he would die without seeing Finn again, without telling him how much he loved him and kissing him one last time.

Suddenly the door opened and Poe felt his heart sink. It was time. He opened his eyes and went to stand up, but froze. He had been expecting just a couple of stormtroopers. But Kylo Ren stood there instead.

“We haven’t reached Hutlar yet,” Ren said. “There are still a few more hours.”

“Oh.” Poe stared at him blankly. “So why are you here?”

“Because Hux can’t be.”

Poe frowned.

“We have to be cautious,” Ren said.

“What are you talking about?” Poe said.

“Hux doesn’t know I’m here. He can never know that I did this for him. It would mean his death, and mine. I can only say this once, so listen carefully.”

Poe’s eyes widened and his heart began to race. Did Ren mean what he thought he meant?

“This won’t be a private execution,” Ren continued. “The _Finalizer_ is too large to land on Hutlar, so people will be ferried down in shuttles, with a few TIEs serving as escorts. These TIEs will be parked not far from where you will be executed. It will be death by firing squad, so you’ll be tied to a post. Only one stormtrooper will escort you, armed with a blaster. The troopers who will kill you won’t come out until you’re tied up. It will be risky. There is no guarantee that you will succeed. But the TIE fighter farthest left will be ready, if you so choose. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do,” said Poe.

“Good,” said Ren. “It won’t be long now. Prepare yourself.”

And with that, he swept out of the cell.

 

***

 

Poe wasn’t sure he’d ever been as nervous as he was when that door slid open again. A pair of stormtroopers stepped inside and cuffed him, then led him out. This was the first time he’d left his cell in over a week. It was strange to be outside those four blank walls. They led him to the hangar and onto a shuttle, forcing him to sit down. The ramp lifted shut and they took off. 

It was a relatively short flight down to the surface. The ramp lowered again and he was led outside. A cold breeze hit him immediately and he wished he hadn’t left his flight suit sleeves tied around his waist. A fairly large crowd was already assembled, probably about three quarters of the _Finalizer_ crew. Why they’d insisted on making a spectacle of Poe’s death was beyond him. 

All but one of the stormtroopers from the shuttle joined the crowd. The remaining trooper took Poe by the arm and led him past the crowd and a row of parked TIE fighters to a single wooden pole that had been driven into the ground. Poe’s heart starting beating overtime as the stormtrooper unlocked the binders from his wrists. 

There was a split second after the binders were removed when absolutely nothing was holding him back. As if in slow motion, the stormtrooper reached for his arm to bind him to the pole. And just before he made contact, Poe flew into action.

He dodged faster than he thought possible. The trooper was thrown off guard, making it almost easy for him to wrestle his blaster away. He shot the stormtrooper and ran toward the row of TIEs, blasting anyone who got in his way. Remembering what Ren had said, he went for the ship farthest to the left. Everything was chaos, people shouting, blasters firing. Suddenly, he had reached the TIE fighter and was climbing on board. The engine was already running, waiting for him.

Poe grinned and shot a few blasts at the crowd of stormtroopers swarming toward his ship. Then he threw the controls into gear and lifted off. It felt good to be flying again, especially after so long locked in a cell. He just wished he could enjoy it a bit longer. Five TIE fighters were already in pursuit. He flew straight up away from the planet, shooting through the cloud cover like lightning. Once he was out of the atmosphere, he put on all the speed he could get. For the moment, he had no plan. He just needed to get away from Hutlar, away from the fighters still tailing him.

He flew as fast as possible, zigzagging to throw his pursuers off and dodge their laser blasts. Suddenly up ahead, he saw a planet, slowly growing larger as he approached. If he got close enough, maybe he could lose them, throw them off with a little detour. He hurtled toward the planet and, just before he entered the atmosphere, made a sharp turn. One of the TIEs flew past him toward the planet’s surface, but the others caught on and followed him. 

“Damn,” he muttered. 

He dodged a couple blasts, then quickly steered up and away from the planet’s orbit, doing a loop that put him behind the four TIE fighters, heading the opposite direction. He had just straightened out when the fifth TIE shot up out of the planet’s atmosphere directly ahead, firing a stream of laser blasts. Three shots made contact and Poe found himself spinning out of control, plummeting for the planet below.


	17. Reunion

Finn woke with a start to find Snap kneeling over him.

“Hm? What? What’s going on?” Finn asked groggily.

“Jess picked up some reports of First Order activity in the Hutlar system,” said Snap. “We’ll be coming out of light speed any minute now.”

“Right. Be there in a sec.”

Snap stood up and returned to the cockpit. Finn yawned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. It was a miracle he’d gotten any sleep with all that was going on. But just that hour or two had made a world of difference. He was still exhausted, but the fog in his brain had lifted. Or maybe that was just a byproduct of the sudden burst of adrenaline that Snap’s news had given him. If the reports were right, then he might see Poe again, sooner than he’d dared hope. Yawning again, he got up and went to join the others in the cockpit.

“Hey,” said Rey as he sat down. “You get any sleep?”

“A bit,” said Finn. “So, the Hutlar system, eh?”

“Yup,” Jess said. “Don’t know what the hell the First Order is doing there. But it’s a lead.”

“Let’s hope it’s a good one or we’re all fucked,” Finn said grimly.

Rey took them out of light speed and they all saw immediately that Jess’s report was right. The _Finalizer_ hovered in the distance, a stream of shuttles and TIE fighters returning to it from the planet below. But not all the TIEs were headed to the star destroyer. Five of them had sped ahead, in pursuit of a sixth TIE fighter that zigzagged and dodged their blasts with expert dexterity. A rush of something he couldn’t describe swept over Finn.

“That’s Poe,” he announced.

“How could you possibly know that?” Snap said.

“I can feel it.”

“Come on,” said Rey.

She turned the Falcon and flew after them, keeping an eye on the rogue TIE. Another planet loomed ahead. Finn watched the pursued ship anxiously as it flew toward the planet, darting away at the last minute and looping back over the heads of the other TIEs.

“Oh yeah, that’s Poe alright,” said Jess, grinning.

The words were barely out of her mouth when the fifth TIE fighter reappeared out of nowhere and shot the rogue ship down. Finn’s heart plummeted. The other five TIEs sped after the falling ship as it disappeared into the planet’s atmosphere.

“Quick, go after them!” Finn exclaimed. “We can still save him!”

“Everybody hold on,” said Rey.

She put on a burst of speed and flew toward the planet. Finn clung to the arms of his seat, hoping and praying that they wouldn’t be too late.

 

***

 

Poe scrambled out of the smoking wreckage of his stolen ship and straightened up, looking around to see where he had crashed. Immediately, he knew something was very wrong. This place was familiar. Too familiar. He had landed in the middle of a small city, but it appeared to be completely abandoned. Windows were shattered, doors hung off their hinges. And at the end of the street lay the ruins of what had once been a mighty temple.

“No. No no no. Not here. Not again.”

This couldn’t be happening. He looked frantically around, searching for some sign that he was mistaken. But there was no doubt about it. He was stranded again on the planet of the undead. 

The shrieking of TIE fighter engines suddenly ripped him from his panic. He ducked quickly into an alleyway and waited. When the sound had died out, he emerged hesitantly back into the street, holding his blaster at the ready. At first, all seemed quiet, the town just as deserted as before. Then suddenly a laser blast whizzed past his head and smashed what was left of an already shattered window. Poe whipped around. The five fighter pilots had come after him and now stood in the street ahead, their polished black armor gleaming in the sunlight. 

Poe raised his blaster and pulled the trigger but nothing happened. He stared at the gun in horror – the barrel had been damaged in the crash, twisted and crushed so no blast could possibly escape. The pilots started toward him and for a second he considered running. But that would be no use, they’d just shoot him from behind. If he was going to die here, he’d rather go down fighting.

As soon as the first pilot was within arm’s reach, Poe swung the mangled blaster at his head, knocking him to the ground. He didn’t get back up.

“Well, at least it’s still good for something.”

He swung at the next pilot but missed. One of the others shot the blaster from his hand. Now he was truly unarmed. 

“Hey fellas,” he said as the four remaining pilots circled him like wolves. “Long time no see.”

“Prepare to die, rebel scum,” one of the pilots said.

He lunged at Poe, who dodged, only to be grabbed from behind by two of the other pilots. They threw him roughly to the ground, kicking him back down when he tried to get up. Poe rolled onto his back and found himself face to face with the muzzle of a blaster. This was really it. He was surrounded, unarmed, and alone. He had been so close to freedom, only to die here, on the one planet in the galaxy he had never wanted to set foot on again.

His heart was racing as though in defiance of its impending end. Poe closed his eyes and thought of Finn, wanting his face to be the last thing he saw. In the deafening silence, he could hear the creak of the man’s gloved finger curling around the trigger.

“NO!”

The shout was accompanied by a blaster shot. Poe flinched, but the hit never came. Slowly, he opened his eyes. Just inches from his face, the shot hovered, an angry red streak suspended in the air. The four pilots stared in shock at something behind him. Poe turned and his jaw dropped. Several feet away stood Finn, his hand outstretched, eyes wide. Not far beyond him were Rey, Jess, Snap, and BB-8, all staring at him in astonishment. 

“Finn?” Poe gasped.

Finn flicked his wrist and the frozen blaster shot changed course, taking out one of the pilots. As though on cue, Rey, Jess, and Snap raised their blasters and shot down the remaining three. Poe clambered to his feet and hurried forward, his eyes fixed on Finn. He stopped a few inches in front of him and they just stared at each other, completely silent, neither daring to believe that this was really real. Then Finn suddenly launched himself forward, flinging his arms around Poe’s neck. Poe gripped him tightly, desperately, his face buried in Finn’s shoulder to hide his tears.

“You’re alive!” Finn cried. “I knew it, I just knew you weren’t dead!”

“Oh Finn, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Poe said. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“No, it’s okay, everything’s okay now,” said Finn. “You’re here, you’re okay!”

Poe half-laughed, half-sobbed and pulled away just enough to press a clumsy, starving kiss to Finn’s lips. It seemed a precious eternity that they kissed, broken all too soon by a need for air. Poe stared at Finn, taking in every detail of his face. 

“How did you find me?” he asked breathlessly. “And how did you stop that blast?”

“I don’t know, it just… happened,” said Finn. “I had no idea I could do that, I… I just _did_. As for finding you, I had a bit of help.”

Poe finally looked away from Finn and turned to the others. They all still looked more than a little surprised by what had just happened, but they were smiling all the same.

“Thank you. All of you,” said Poe. “I’d be a dead man if you guys hadn’t shown up.”

“Well, you made rescuing you pretty easy,” said Jess. “How the hell did you get away from them?”

“I… had some unexpected help.”

Jess and Snap looked confused, but Finn and Rey both stared at him incredulously. 

“No way,” said Rey. “They actually helped you escape?”

“Hux is the only reason I wasn’t killed days ago,” said Poe. “But that’s a long story. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“No kidding,” said Finn. “You just _had_ to crash here again, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose, believe me.”

“Hang on, this is the place you guys were stranded for three weeks?” Snap said.

“Unfortunately.”

“Shit… it’s bleak.”

“You should’ve seen it when it was swarming with the undead,” said Finn.

“Ha, yeah, hard pass,” said Jess. “I saw you three when you came home, you looked like you’d been through a meat grinder.”

“Thanks, Jess,” said Poe, but he couldn’t help laughing. 

Rey led the way back to the Millennium Falcon and they prepared for takeoff. The others headed for the cockpit but Poe took Finn’s hand and held him back. Finn turned to him curiously, a soft smile on his face.

“We should probably talk,” said Poe.

“Yeah. Probably.”

He looked suddenly nervous, so Poe gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before leading him to sit down.

“I’m sorry for what happened before I… left,” said Poe, still holding Finn’s hand. “I was an idiot. The whole time I was locked up, I…. I just kept thinking about it…”

“We were _both_ being idiots,” Finn said. “We should have talked instead of just pushing everything aside.”

He looked down at their clasped hands and frowned.

“What happened to your arm?” he asked.

“Oh that?” Poe looked down and froze. A splotchy patch of fresh blood stained the bandage wrapped around his injured wrist. “Ah shit, the stitches must’ve busted…”

Just then, Jess’s voice interrupted them over the ship’s comms.

“Hey boys, hate to break up whatever is goin’ on back there. But we got company and could use some gunners.”

“Right on it, Jess,” Poe called back.

He went to stand up but Finn caught his hand, looking up at him worriedly.

“Are you sure? You’re bleeding,” he said.

“I’ll be fine,” said Poe as a laser blast shook the ship. “Besides, _none_ of us will be okay if we don’t stop those guys from blasting us to pieces.”

“Good point,” said Finn. “Just don’t overdo it.”

Poe smiled and pulled him to his feet. 

“Come on, let’s kick some ass.”

They hurried off to the gunner stations as another blast rattled the Falcon. Poe sat down and slid on his headset, then started up his targeting computer.

“I’m in position,” he heard Finn say.

“Me too.”

“Good,” said Rey. “‘Cause we just got three more TIE fighters on our tail.”

“I see ‘em,” said Poe.

He swiveled his seat around, his eyes flicking between the targeting screen and the window. He waited as the approaching ship sped toward them. The second it was in range, he let off three shots. They all met their mark and the ship exploded.

“Nice shot!” Snap said.

The victory was short lived. Another TIE flew into view, sending another run of blasts at the Falcon.

“Starboard shields are compromised,” Jess announced. 

“BB-8, anything you can do?” said Rey.

Poe heard his droid’s distant reply. Outside, he saw another TIE explode, quickly followed by Finn’s celebratory shout.

“Four more to go!” said Snap.

“How’re those shields coming?” Poe asked.

There was a faint beeping.

“Not fully functional, but better than before,” Rey translated.

“We can work with that,” said Finn.

Just then, the ship rocked violently from several laser blasts. Poe gripped his seat tightly as it swiveled out of control. He caught himself with his foot and swiveled back into position.

“What the hell just happened?” he said.

“The shields are down,” Jess announced. “We’ve got absolutely nothing.”

“Snap, take my spot,” said Rey. “I’ll fix this! Just try and get us to light speed at the first chance you get.”

 

***

 

Rey vaulted out of her seat and raced from the cockpit. BB-8 was already hard at work trying to fix the shields, but it was far too much damage for just one little droid, especially since the constant erratic movement of the ship kept sending him rolling backwards. 

“How’re things looking?” Rey asked, kneeling next to the droid.

_Pretty bad_ , BB-8 replied. _The sooner we get away the better._

“I figured as much. Alright, let’s do this.”

She snatched up a toolbox and got to work. The shields were truly a mess. The only way she could really fix them was at home, on the ground, with more than a sparsely supplied toolbox, and without a bunch of First Order fighters on their tail. But she had to try anyway. She’d be damned if she let them get blown up now, all because she didn’t have the proper wrench. 

It was delicate work trying to realign the wires and couplings while the Falcon rocked and dove and spun through the air, trying to dodge the TIE fighters’ blasts. Her friends’ play-by-play updates echoed tinnily out of the comm system, giving her a little extra comfort whenever Finn or Poe landed a shot. 

“I’ve got the forward shields back up!” she announced at last. 

“Thank the Force, I was getting nervous up here,” said Jess.

“We’re not out of this yet,” said Rey.

She wiped her brow with the back of her hand and kept working. The ship rattled as another blast hit them and a small fire started across the cabin.

_I’ve got it!_ BB-8 beeped.

He rolled over and opened up one of his compartments, dousing the flame with a small extinguisher. 

“I’ve got an opening,” said Snap suddenly. “Everybody hold on!”

Rey braced herself as, with tremendous effort, the Millennium Falcon flew into hyperspace. They were out of the woods.


	18. Debts

“Sir.”

Hux turned. Captain Phasma stood in the doorway of his office. 

“I presume you have news on Dameron,” Hux said.

“Yes, sir,” said Phasma. “He escaped aboard the Millennium Falcon. How the others found him, I don’t know. Only two fighter pilots returned from the entanglement.”

Hux let out a slow, heavy breath. He was glad Phasma was the one to bring him this news. He didn’t have to hide his conflict from her. She already knew. She’d been there when it was born.

“Thank you, Captain,” said Hux. “I may have been shocked by this whole escape at first, but the more I think about it, the less I’m surprised. Dameron is like a snake, the way he slips out of tight corners, escaping despite formidable odds.”

“He certainly seems to have luck on his side,” Phasma said.

“That he does.”

Phasma left and Hux sighed again, wearier this time, and closed his eyes. He didn’t know what to think, what to feel. He had hated that Dameron had been sentenced to death, had wished he could help him escape. He’d managed to escape anyway, somehow, and it had looked almost too easy. But as much as he’d hated the idea of Dameron being executed, a little part of him had almost hoped that he’d be killed in his escape. Because then Hux wouldn’t have to deal with this conflict anymore, and he would have had nothing to do with Dameron’s death. He would have been free on all fronts. 

“Hux?”

Hux’s eyes flew open and he turned in alarm to the doorway. Ren stood on the threshold, his helmet under his arm, eying him concernedly. 

“What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that?” Hux snapped.

“Sorry.”

Hux softened just a little.

“It’s nothing, I shouldn’t have snapped, I just…”

“Dameron escaped,” said Ren.

“Yes.”

“You’re not sure how to feel.”

“No. Not at all.”

“Me too.”

Hux stared at him, the gears in his brain suddenly clicking into place.

“Why, you little….” he said. “ _You_? It was you! You helped him escape!”

Something flickered in his eyes, but otherwise Ren’s face was blank as a slate.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit,” said Hux. “Of course you did, you’re the only one who could lie to Snoke. Ah yes, and that’s why you didn’t tell me. That’s why _you_ had to orchestrate this, why _you_ were the only one who could know.”

“Hux, I suggest you shut up,” said Ren.

“You’re trying to protect me, I know. But I don’t need protection from him.”

“Yes, you do.”

“But I’m blameless, I had nothing to do with it!” Hux paused. “Oh… no, _you’re_ the one who’s neck is on the line if he finds out. That’s why I need to shut up and pretend this conversation never happened, correct?”

“Yes, you’re right,” said Ren. “But I’m not the only one in danger. I did this for _you_ , Hux. Because _you_ didn’t want him dead. If Snoke finds out, we’re both fucked.”

Hux stared at him again, his previously pinpointed thought process suddenly in chaos.

“Why? Why would you do that for me? I didn’t _want_ him to be executed, I wished I could keep my promise, but I was willing to make peace with it. For fuck sake, Ren, why would you risk everything for a blasted Resistance pilot?”

“Because I love you, Hux, and because I thought I was doing something that would bring you some semblance of peace,” said Ren. “I may feel conflicted about those three, but it’s nothing compared to whatever battle you’ve got going on with yourself regarding that pilot. I don’t even know how to go about understanding whatever it is this _thing_ is between you. You call it a debt, but that barely defines it. And last I checked, he is far more indebted to you than you are to him. I don’t know what you think you owe him.”

Hux sighed heavily and sat down, rubbing his temples.

“I don’t know either,” he said wearily. “I don’t know how to understand this and it’s going on in my own head. I hate him, but… I don’t want him to die. At least not while I’m there. I’ve already seen him die. I _killed_ him. I expected to get some sort of satisfaction out of that, but I didn’t, and it’s haunted me ever since.”

“Hux…”

Ren knelt by his chair, placing a gloved hand on his knee.

“When Poe Dameron does finally die for good,” said Hux. “I don’t want to be involved. I can’t get the image of that damn meadow out of my head as it is.”


	19. Complications

Finn took off his headset and climbed up out of the gunner station. Rey was in the cabin, sitting cross-legged in front of a control panel, trying to fix the shields. She looked up as he entered and smiled.

“Nice shooting back there,” she said.

“Thanks,” said Finn. “How’re the repairs going?”

“It’s a total mess, I’m not gonna be able to fix it properly ’til we get home.”

Just then, there was a bit of a commotion as Poe stumbled into the room. Finn turned to him and his eyes widened. He had gone incredibly pale and the bandage on his injured wrist was stained completely scarlet, a trickle of blood running down his hand.

“Yeah, I think I pulled more than a few stitches,” he said, barely making it to a chair before sitting down wearily.

“What the hell happened to you?!” Rey exclaimed.

“Long story…”

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to explain yourself sometime,” said Finn.

He went over and knelt next to Poe’s chair, then gently began unwrapping the bandage. Rey grabbed a med kit and sat on the floor next to him. As the bloodstained bandage fell away, Finn let out a shaky breath, a sick feeling rising up in his stomach.

“This looks really deep, Poe,” he said.

“Yeah, I think it may have hit a vein…”

Finn and Rey both stared at him incredulously.

“And you didn’t think to mention this sooner?” said Rey.

“We were in the middle of escaping,” said Poe. “It wasn’t a good time.”

“Not a good time to mention you were _bleeding to death_?” Finn said, his voice strained.

“It was patched up, I thought it was fine.”

“Did you do those stitches yourself?” Rey asked.

“No…”

“Okay, so your wrist stitched up itself then?” said Finn. “Rey, give me something to wrap this up with until we get home.”

Rey dug through the med kit and handed him a thick wad of gauze. Finn pressed it to the wound as she got out a fresh roll of bandages and started re-wrapping Poe’s wrist.

“Hux wouldn’t let anyone interrogate me,” Poe said suddenly. “He… put me in a separate cell and told everyone he was gonna do it himself, but he never asked me a single thing. One of the officers got impatient and tried to take matters into his own hands.”

“What, by killing you?” said Rey, tying off the bandage.

“He was gonna let me bleed to death if I didn’t answer his questions,” said Poe. “Hux was furious. I don’t know what happened to that guy, but it probably wasn’t pleasant. He stitched me up. Didn’t do a very good job of it, but… well, he’s not a doctor.”

Finn stared at him, deep in thought. He had known there must be some reason Poe had survived so long. He’d had his suspicions, but he had never expected General Hux to actively protect Poe, to the point of punishing his own officers.

“Did he help you escape, then?” he asked.

Poe shook his head. 

“He’d be a dead man if he’d tried. He put himself on shaky ground harboring me for so long. They’d sentenced me to death. Kylo Ren’s the one who helped me escape. He knew he’d be able to lie better.”

“Good thing we got there when we did,” said Rey. 

“No kidding,” said Poe. “Just a second later and I’d have been shot in the head. Again.”

Finn felt suddenly anxious and looked down at his hands, his fingers still wet with Poe’s blood. He knew the others would expect an explanation, but he had none. He had no idea how he’d stopped that blast. Those feelings he’d had, telling him Poe was still alive… he’d just thought they were feelings. A sort of lover’s intuition. He didn’t think he could _actually_ use the Force. And yet he had, he’d stopped that blast mid-air, mere inches from Poe’s face. 

“Are you okay?” Rey asked.

“Yeah, I think so. I just…” He looked at her, then at Poe. “A lot’s just happened in a very short amount of time. I haven’t really processed it yet.”

“You mean using the Force?”

“Is that what it was? ‘Cause I really don’t know what happened.”

“I’m no expert,” said Poe. “But it kinda looked like that.”

Finn nodded and looked back down at his hands, feeling conflicted. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the idea of being able to use the Force. He loved Rey and was completely in awe of her abilities, and he trusted Luke Skywalker. He’d always enjoyed the tales of the Jedi, quietly told among a few of the troopers when none of their superiors were near. But he’d also spent several years seeing first hand the horrible ways Kylo Ren had used the Force. And even though he hated the First Order and the Dark Side, there was a little part of him that feared that, given his past as a stormtrooper, it would be easier for him to be seduced to the Dark Side if he chose to embrace these newfound abilities. And there were other things, things he’d heard about the Jedi Order, that made him reluctant to accept the fact that he could use the Force at all.

Just then, the ship shook violently, jolting out of lightspeed. BB-8 started beeping frantically as the control panels started smoking.

“What the hell was that?” Finn said.

Rey was already on her feet and storming off to the cockpit.

“What the hell have you two done to my ship?” she demanded.

“Oh, they are in for it,” Poe chuckled.

“C’mon, let’s see what’s going on,” said Finn.

He helped Poe up and they followed Rey to the cockpit. When they got there, Snap and Jess were both talking very quickly, defending themselves against a glowering Rey.

“I dunno what happened, we just dropped out of hyperspace!” said Snap.

“There was a light flashing, I figured it was probably just from the shield damage,” said Jess. “I didn’t realize the hyperdrive was damaged too.”

“Where did we end up?” Poe asked as Finn helped him into the chair behind Snap.

“Outer Rim,” said Snap grimly.

Poe groaned.

“It’ll take weeks to get to the Illenium System from here. I’ll bleed to death by then!” he said, waving his injured arm.

“What the fuck happened to you?” Jess said.

“Never mind that now, we need to find someplace to fix the hyperdrive,” said Rey.

“It looks like there’s a planet ahead,” Finn said, pointing through the cockpit window. “We could try there. Jess, see what planet that is.”

Jess turned to the computer and pulled up their coordinates.

“Tatooine.”

Poe groaned again.

“They’ve got plenty of space ports, it’ll do,” said Rey.

“Any chance they’ve got doctors?” Finn asked. “I don’t like the idea of leaving Poe’s wrist like that for too long.”

“No guarantee of them being much good, but there’s gotta be somebody down there with at least half a medical degree,” said Snap.

“Oh, that’s a real comfort,” Poe said sarcastically.

“Well, it’s the only option we’ve got,” said Rey. “Let’s go.”


	20. The Doctor

Rey slung her bag over her shoulder and closed the ramp behind them. They’d landed in a small settlement, less unsavory than Mos Eisley but just as bustling. They’d decided to find a doctor first. The hyperdrive could wait. Poe couldn’t. He had been bleeding at least since yesterday – if that wound wasn’t taken care of soon, he’d collapse where he stood. Jess had looked up directions to a local doctor before they’d left the ship, so she led the way through the winding, dusty streets until they reached a little building with a hand carved sign outside the door that read: _Dr. R.K. Fleesom_. 

“Should we knock?” Rey asked.

“Guess so,” said Jess.

She hesitated a moment, then knocked on the scuffed orange door. There were a few seconds of silence, then the door slid open. A tall man with short sandy hair stood on the threshold. His dark eyes scanned over them, at last falling on Poe, who leaned against Finn like he was a crutch.

“Oh good, you _do_ need a doctor,” he said. “I was worried it was those scrubby little beggars again. Come in.”

They followed him inside. It was much cleaner than the outside had suggested. He led them through to a room in the back that was full of medical equipment. 

“Lie down on there,” he said, pointing to a rickety-looking hospital bed.

As Finn helped Poe onto the bed, the man shed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.

“You’re Doctor Fleesom?” Rey said.

“Obviously,” the doctor said, pulling on some rubber gloves. “But call me Rall, it’s much less tiresome. Now tell me, sir, what’s the trouble?”

“My wrist,” Poe replied.

“Oh really? The blood-soaked bandages didn’t give it away at all.”

Poe scowled.

“It’s… cut. Pretty deep. May have hit a vein. Kind of a mess too.”

“Again, no shit,” said Rall. “No matter, nasty injuries are my specialty.”

Rey joined Finn on the other side of the bed and Jess and Snap stood at the foot as the doctor hooked Poe up to an IV and sat down. Rey watched as he unwrapped the bandages and tossed them in the bin. Fresh blood blossomed up from the wound.

“You’re right, this _is_ a mess,” said Rall. “Who the hell even did these stitches?”

“Someone who is definitely _not_ qualified,” said Finn.

“I can see that.”

He wiped away some of the blood with a cloth and carefully removed the old stitches. When he was done, he switched out his now bloodstained gloves for fresh ones and grabbed a clean cloth, pouring some sort of ointment onto it before swiping it over the wound. Poe inhaled sharply and Rey glanced at him. He was, if possible, even paler than before.

Rey turned back to the doctor. He had begun stitching up the wound now. Watching the curved needle pierce Poe’s skin and drag the thread through made Rey’s stomach churn, but she couldn’t look away. She was entranced. Rall worked quickly but neatly, a perfect row of clean stitches holding the wound shut. He was nearly finished when Finn suddenly stood up.

“Poe?” he said anxiously.

Rey turned. Poe had fallen unconscious, so ghastly pale he looked almost…

“Is he breathing?” Jess asked, gripping the bed frame so tight her knuckles went white.

Finn checked.

“Yes,” he said, though he didn’t sound relieved.

“Relax, he’s just fainted,” Rall said.

He tied off the final stitch and set aside the suture kit, then picked up a fresh roll of bandages and started wrapping Poe’s wrist.

“You haven’t even examined him, how could you possibly know that?” Rey demanded.

“Give me a moment, for Force sake.”

He finished bandaging the wound and took off his gloves, then stood up. He felt Poe’s pulse, then picked up some sort of device and scanned it over Poe’s body, frowning at the results on a datapad.

“On second thought,” he said. “Probably best not to let him wake up naturally.”

“What do you mean?” said Finn.

“Well, if we just wait for him to wake up on his own, he might just… not.”

They all stared at him, wide-eyed.

“Well, do something, then!” said Snap.

Rall went to a drawer and rummaged around, returning with a syringe. He uncapped it and injected it into Poe’s arm. They waited with baited breath as the drug or whatever it was took effect. Suddenly, Poe woke with a start, panting as though he’d just run a race. Rall felt his pulse again.

“Adrenaline,” he explained. “Not necessarily the _best_ thing for his health, but neither is a coma. He should be fine. I’ll be in the next room if you need me.”

And with that, he left.

“Asshole…” Jess muttered.

“Are you okay?” Finn said, running his fingers through Poe’s hair.

“I saw my mother,” said Poe. His eyes were wide, darting frantically between them all as though he couldn’t decide where to focus.

“What?”

“Poe, isn’t your mother… dead?” Rey said.

“Yeah.”

“Was it a dream?” Snap asked.

“A memory.”

“What, from when you were a kid?” said Finn.

“No,” Poe said. “From when I was dead.”


	21. Broke

There was a heavy silence. The others all stared at Poe in various stages of alarm. He should have known they would react like this, but his heart was still racing from the adrenaline shot, his mind still reeling from blood loss and what he had just seen.

“I thought you said you couldn’t remember any of that,” Finn said at last.

“I couldn’t. Not before,” said Poe. “It was like… when you find an old picture of something you’d forgotten and it all comes back to you.”

“You remember being dead?” Jess said.

She sounded scared.

“No, I just remember seeing her. She… she said she was proud of me. And that she loves me.” Poe’s throat felt tight. “I’ve longed to hear her say those words every day since I was eight years old.”

He closed his eyes and a tear rolled down his face. Then Finn’s hand was cupping his cheek, warm and gentle. Poe opened his eyes again and looked up at him. 

He remembered suddenly the conversation they’d had back on that planet, that night in the forest, when Poe admitted that he couldn’t remember death. Finn had said that was probably a good thing, that if people knew, everyone would either be fighting for a way to live forever or scrambling to get there faster. Looking at Finn now, he could tell he was thinking of the exact same thing. 

Poe wanted to say something, to assure him that he wasn’t going to do anything stupid in an attempt to see his mother again. But he’d already freaked everyone out enough without bringing up suicide. It wouldn’t matter that he would be promising not to try anything, they’d still panic. So he took Finn’s hand and gave it a squeeze, gazing hard into his eyes, willing him to hear. Finn’s eyebrows furrowed, but then he nodded and Poe didn’t know how, but he knew – Finn understood.

He let out a shaky breath and turned to the others.

“Hey, if you guys wanna go and start finding a new hyperdrive, that’s fine,” he said. “The sooner we can get home, the better.”

“Are you sure?” said Rey.

“Absolutely,” said Poe. “I’ve got Finn, I’ve got whatever kind of drugs these are, there’s a doctor in the next room if things go south. I’m set.”

Rey looked uncertain, but Jess took her arm.

“He’s right, standing around staring at him isn’t gonna heal him faster,” she said. “Let’s go find that hyperdrive. Come on, Snap, you too.”

Poe watched as they left the room, BB-8 close on their heels, then turned to Finn.

“Okay, how did you do that?” Finn asked as soon as they were gone.

“Do what?”

“Tell me that without talking.”

“I just sorta hoped you’d be able to hear me since you’ve got that Force thing going on,” said Poe. “I didn’t expect it to actually work.”

“Well, it did,” said Finn. “Though it wasn’t exactly actual _words_ , it was more like… the idea of it. If that makes sense. Like, I could just tell what you meant. I could feel it.”

“Huh…” Poe stared at him for a moment before speaking again. “You’re not too freaked out by all this, are you?”

“Oh, I’m freaked out, but I’m handling it. What about you, are you okay?”

“I think so.”

“You sure?”

Poe smiled a little.

“Well, if I’m not yet, I will be.”

 

***

 

Rey still felt bad about leaving Poe behind to shop for ship parts, but she could also tell that he’d wanted to be alone with Finn. And besides, he was right. They needed to get home. They went into the next room, where they found Rall sitting at a desk, typing some notes on a computer. He looked up when they came in.

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes, he’s doing fine,” said Rey.

“We need to get some parts for our ship,” said Jess. “But I figure we should pay you first before we blow all our money on that.”

“Ah yes, of course,” said Rall, standing up. He picked up his datapad and typed a few things. “Alright, that’ll be… five hundred credits.”

“Five hundred?” Snap echoed.

Rey could tell from his tone that he was going to put up a fight if he wasn’t stopped. He’d been a soldier for a long time, he was used to free military medical services whenever they were needed. Paying a man to save your friend’s life was not something he was accustomed to. 

“Is that a problem?” Rall said challengingly.

“No, not at all,” said Rey. “We’ve probably got enough between us.”

She dug through her bag, counting out a handful of credits. Jess did the same and, rather reluctantly, Snap followed suit. Eventually, they scraped together four hundred seventy credits. 

“Sorry, it’s all we’ve got,” said Jess.

“It’ll do,” said Rall. “It’s not like I’m going to kick your friend out on the street in his condition.”

“Thank you so much,” said Rey. “We’ll be back later.”

They handed over the money and left. As soon as they were outside and the door shut behind them, Snap huffed irritably.

“You shoulda let me deal with him,” he said. “I could’ve talked him down. Now we got no money.”

“Snap’s got a point,” said Jess. “How are we supposed to get a new hyperdrive if we’re broke?”

“We’ll figure something out,” said Rey. “I grew up on a planet not so different from this one. It’s outside the Republic, lots of people don’t even use official currency.”

“So how do people buy things?”

“Bartering. Gambling. Stealing.”

“Are you sure we should leave Poe and Finn with that guy?” said Snap, glancing back down the street at the doctor’s hut. “He could be a First Order spy for all we know.”

“Oh, he’s fine,” said Rey. “He may be a dick, but that doesn’t automatically make him First Order.”

“You didn’t seem so sure about leaving them before,” said Snap.

“That wasn’t because of Rall. It was because of the things Poe said when he woke up,” Rey said. “He frightened me.”

“What, about his mother?” Jess asked.

“Yes. There was something different about him when he came back from the dead, and I don’t think he even noticed it himself. It’s starting to make a little sense now.”

“Oh come on, Rey, give the man a break,” said Snap. “His mom died when he was eight years old. Of course he’d want to see her. I mean, what wouldn’t you give to see your parents again?”

Rey turned to him grimly.

“That’s exactly what scares me.”

 

They headed to the center of town, to a square bustling with merchants. Vendors shouted out their wares, customers haggled, groups of friends chatted and laughed as they snacked on their purchases. Eventually they found a little shop filled with mechanical equipment. It looked more like a junk shop than anything else, but Rey knew this sort of place well and knew that they were sure to find what they were looking for. The trouble would be paying for it. Hyperdrives didn’t come cheap. They stepped inside out of the hot sun and were almost immediately approached by a gruff looking man. He wore a leather vest over a threadbare tunic, his head was bald and sun-spotted, and coarse grey hair sprouted from his long, pointed ears.

“Welcome, welcome,” he said; his voice was like sandpaper and honey. “What can I do for you today?”

“We’re looking for a new hyperdrive,” said Rey. “For a YT model Corellian freighter.”

“Ah yes, I do have a couple of those,” the man said. “The question is, can you afford them?”

“We haven’t got any credits, but we are willing to come up with some sort of bargain.”

“That is just fine, I have no need for credits anyway,” the man said with a greasy smile. “A trade then? What about… this little droid?”

BB-8 beeped offendedly.

“The droid isn’t for sale,” said Rey. 

“Very well, very well. What else do you have to offer?”

They were silent, glancing at each other uneasily. Truth be told, none of them had anything of value. Or at least, nothing they were able to trade. After a few uncomfortable seconds, Jess drew her blaster, holding it out to the man.

“Customized KYD-21. I made all the upgrades myself. Completely one of a kind, works like a charm,” she said. “I’d say it’s worth quite a bit.”

The man laughed, a crackling, slimy sort of chuckle, the kind that sent shivers up your spine.

“A blaster is hardly worth the same as a hyperdrive, no matter how many fancy tricks you’ve added,” he said. “Nice try though. Anything else? Or do none of you have anything worth my time?”

Rey exchanged a defeated look with the others. 

“Never mind,” she said. “We’ll get out of your hair.”

Then she led the way outside. Once they were back in the street, Snap chuckled.

“‘We’ll get out of your hair’,” he quoted. “He didn’t exactly have any hair for us to get out of.”

“Well, there was quite a lot in his ears,” Jess pointed out.

They both started laughing, but Rey ignored them, brainstorming. There had to be some way for them to get a hyperdrive from that man. They had to have something that he’d want.

“What else could we possibly trade?” she said. “Is there something we could give him that’s…. I dunno, immaterial? Since we’ve got nothing to our names.”

“You said gambling’s a thing here,” said Jess. “Maybe we make a bet on something. If we win, we get the hyperdrive, if he wins…”

“Then we hit the same problem where we’ve got absolutely nothing,” said Rey.

“We could bluff?” Snap suggested.

“Yeah right.”

“We’ll figure something out,” said Jess. “Come on, let’s get back to Poe and Finn. Maybe they’ll have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now we reach the part where it becomes very clear that i rewatched the phantom menace at the time i was writing this....


	22. What I Don't Know Can't Hurt Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter title from "broken glass" by sia]

Finn and Poe sat in silence for a while, just holding hands. They could pretend that they were letting the drugs kick in, letting Poe recover a bit, but they both knew that wasn’t true, not really. The truth was, they both knew that they had to talk about what had been going on before Poe’s capture, but neither of them wanted to be the one to bring it up. They were scared, though neither could say of what exactly. But honesty is often scary, especially when the truth is that you’re not okay at all.

“I suppose now’s as good a time as ever to have that talk,” said Poe at last.

His voice was quiet, almost reluctant, and he avoided Finn’s eyes while he said it, just staring at their clasped hands. Finn stared at him for a moment before replying, trying to get some sort of idea of what Poe was feeling, but it was all getting muddled up with his own sadness and fear. He was too new to this to know how to tell their emotions apart.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said. “Who wants to start?”

“I guess I should, since I sorta… epically fucked up.”

“You didn’t –“ Finn started to protest.

“Yeah, I did,” said Poe. “I shouldn’t have left like that. If I hadn’t made it out of this, and it was a close call… the whole time I was in that cell, I kept thinking about how bad I left things, about what it would do to you if I never came back and the last conversation we ever had was a fight. I should have said good-bye. And I’m so sorry I didn’t.”

Finn nodded, letting himself think for a moment. He didn’t want to jump into a response unprepared.

“I wondered why you wouldn’t wake me up to say good-bye. If it was my fault, if you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. But the why doesn’t matter. The fact that it happened only barely matters compared to everything else. It’s not okay, what you did, but I do forgive you for it. ‘Cause the real problem is what happened on that planet and what it did to us.”

“Yeah,” Poe sighed. “And that’s what makes it so hard to talk about.” He paused, working his bottom lip between his teeth anxiously. “Y’know I really don’t know the first place to start. I mean… it’s a damn miracle we all survived and escaped…”

“But we didn’t,” said Finn, and he knew what was going to come tumbling out of him, what had been filling him to bursting all this time. “You _died_ , Poe. You were dead. And it may not have been very long for you, but I had to live _knowing_ you were dead for over a week. It wasn’t just you going missing and everyone _assuming,_ because then there’s hope, there’s still a chance of you coming back. You were _dead_ and that was a cold, hard, provable fact. And I wasn’t allowed to grieve because we were fighting for our lives.”

“I’m sorry,” Poe said, so quietly it was almost a whisper.

“You don’t have to apologize. It wasn’t your fault. You just wanted to die with dignity. I’m just telling you this because I want you to know.”

Poe nodded. He lifted Finn’s hand to his lips and kissed it. Finn noticed that he was trembling ever so slightly, as though he were on the verge of tears and trying to keep it in.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” said Poe. “Well. I guess.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I really don’t wanna say what I’m about to tell you, but… I know I have to.”

“Okay, now you’re just scaring me,” said Finn.

“I’ve been… having a lot of dreams lately,” said Poe. “Some of them are about what happened. But the others… they don’t make a lot of sense. Some are okay, but a lot of them are… bad.”

“Okay…”

Finn wasn’t sure why Poe was so reluctant to tell him this. He’d been having bad dreams too.

“Ever since we got back, I’ve been… restless,” Poe went on. “It’s like there’s something I’ve got to get to, something I’ve got to do, but I have no idea what it is. At first I thought it was guilt over leaving Mot behind, but you were right, I don’t owe him anything. But once I worked that out… the feeling didn’t go away. It’s why I kept flying off by myself, I needed to do _something_ , to trick myself into an illusion of action.”

“Well, we were fighting for our lives nonstop for nearly a month,” said Finn. “It makes sense that you’d get restless after that.”

“It’s more than just getting stir-crazy, though,” said Poe. “And… after what happened today… that memory of seeing my mother… the dreams and the restlessness… it’s starting to make a little bit of sense.”

A nauseating anguish rose up in Finn’s stomach. 

“Please don’t say what I think you’re going to,” he said quietly.

“No no no, it’s not like that,” Poe said quickly. “I promised I wouldn’t do anything stupid. I don’t _want_ to be dead. But in my dreams, both the good and the bad, I keep dying. And I dream of what happens after. I can never remember any of it, but the restlessness is always the worst after the good ones.”

“Because of your mother,” said Finn.

“She died a very long time ago. I moved past it.”

“But you never really stop missing someone who’s that important to you.”

Poe shook his head and was silent for a while.

“Coming back from the dead… it’s not natural,” he said finally. “There’s always consequences for things like that. I didn’t want to die. I don’t want to be dead. But I think wherever I was… it was good.”

Finn swallowed hard, trying and failing to hold back the tears that had been hovering in the corners of his eyes. He thought he understood, to an extent, what Poe meant.

“There’s still some uncontrollable part of you that wants to be there,” he said. 

Poe nodded. He looked so guilty admitting it, not wanting to hurt Finn more.

“It’s okay,” said Finn, and he meant it. “Who _wouldn’t_ want to be someplace better? The galaxy’s at war, everything’s a mess. And you, me, and Rey… we’ve seen horrors. You got a taste of something better, someplace where there’s peace and you get to see people you loved and lost, only to get ripped away and thrown back into a living hell. I get it.”

“But what if this restlessness never goes away?” said Poe. “I’m afraid it might drive me mad.”

“It won’t. Not if I can help it.”

Finn leaned forward and kissed Poe’s forehead. As he went to pull away, Poe slipped his hand behind the back of Finn’s head and pulled him back in, kissing him hungrily. Finn melted into it, responding eagerly but gently, never wanting it to end. It was the kind of kiss that could only be shared when two people had been apart a very long time, not knowing when or if they’d see each other again. A kiss that made up for lost time and healed the wounds of separation.

They were suddenly interrupted by some whispered swearing and a mild commotion, and broke apart to find Rey, Jess, Snap, and BB-8 stumbling over each other in the doorway, trying and failing to make a sneaky exit. As they watched, Jess tripped over BB-8 and caught herself on an empty IV stand.

“Sorry to interrupt,” she said, straightening up. “Should we come back later?”

Finn and Poe exchanged a look, both barely concealing laughter.

“It’s fine,” said Poe. “Did you get a hyperdrive?”

“No, ‘cause we’ve got no money,” said Snap bitterly.

“I think I’ve got a little,” said Finn. “Probably not enough for a hyperdrive though.”

“Definitely not,” said Rey. Her eyes widened and she looked suddenly thoughtful. “Although… maybe we can still use it.”

“How?”

“We haven’t got anything valuable enough on its own, but this shopkeeper, he’s a junk collector. If we manage to scrounge up enough mildly valuable stuff and throw in a few credits for good measure, maybe we can give him a trade that’s worth his while.”


	23. Choices

Rey and Finn headed back to the Millennium Falcon, leaving Jess and Snap to keep an eye on Poe while he got some rest.

“Do you really think there’s anything on the ship that’s actually remotely valuable?” Finn said skeptically as they climbed the ramp.

“I have no idea,” said Rey. “There’s so much random junk lying around, I haven’t even gone through half of it.”

“Well, let’s hope we find something, or we’re back to square one.”

They went into the main cabin and Rey opened a cabinet that she knew for a fact was full of things that had probably been there since the days of the Empire.

“This is gonna take a while,” she said.

She pulled out a box and sat on the ground with it. Finn followed suit. For hours they went through box after box, searching through every cabinet and drawer and nook they could find, making a pile of all the things they could possibly trade and putting the useless stuff back where they found it. After a while, Rey looked over at Finn.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “You’re awfully quiet.”

“I’m alright. Just thinking,” Finn replied.

“Everything’s alright with you and Poe, then?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s more than fine, I just…” Finn paused and sighed heavily. “I’m worried about him. Hell, I’m always worried about him. But… there’ve been too many close calls lately.”

“He’ll be okay, he just needs some rest,” said Rey. 

“I know, I just… I’m just too scared of losing him again,” said Finn. He looked down, frowning. “Rey… can I ask you something about… becoming a Jedi?”

Rey nodded. She knew Finn would come to her about this eventually. She’d known from the moment he’d said he could sense that Poe was alive. But she hadn’t wanted to rush him, so she’d waited for him to make the move.

“Of course,” she said.

“I know the old Jedi Order had rules against… attachments,” Finn said. “Obviously that’s been relaxed a bit, but um…. just how much has Luke changed that rule?”

“He changed it completely,” said Rey. “Finn, did you think you’d have to break up with Poe if you became a Jedi?”

“I did, a little,” Finn said sheepishly.

“Oh, Finn, Luke would never make you do that. I promise you, everything can stay the same between you.” Finn looked relieved. Rey paused a moment, considering. “You should also know that just because you’re Force Sensitive, it doesn’t mean you _have_ to become a Jedi. General Organa didn’t. I can tell you’re anxious about it. Reluctant, even. I don’t wanna pry. I just want you to know you’ve got a choice.”

Finn nodded, hesitating as he decided whether to say what was on his mind.

“Even if I don’t become a Jedi, shouldn’t I at least… learn to use it a little?” he asked. “I’ve already used it without knowing. If I don’t learn to control it… couldn’t that be dangerous?”

“I don’t know,” said Rey. “Maybe. But you’re also a good person. It’s not like you’d just _accidentally_ tap into the Dark Side.”

“But I was a stormtrooper. I was surrounded by the Dark Side for years. I could be more susceptible…”

Finn sounded genuinely terrified by this prospect. So this was why he was so reluctant to accept that he could use the Force. Rey looked at him pityingly.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’m sorry. I really don’t know if you would be. I don’t know enough about the Force yet. But when we get home, Luke can help you, I promise.”

Finn nodded again, still looking uneasy about the whole thing. Rey set down the box she was holding and went over to him, pulling him close in a hug. Finn returned the embrace, hugging her tightly.

“You’ll be okay, I promise,” she said quietly. “You’re a good person. Even if the Dark Side does try to tempt you, I truly believe you can fight it.”


	24. The Bet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now we get to where it becomes *really really* obvious that i had recently watched the phantom menace....

Poe had fallen asleep so easily it was like flicking a switch, but it had been the restless, unsatisfying sleep of a man with too much on his mind. He was both afraid and hopeful that, in his dreams, he might see his mother and remember it again, but the fact that this was something he wanted made him feel guilty. Dreaming of his mother meant dreaming of death, and desiring that went against everything he wanted to believe of himself. It terrified him. 

So it was with a strange mixture of relief and regret that he groggily woke from a dreamless sleep. Jess and Snap sat in the corner, talking quietly. Poe rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn. He didn't want the others to know he was awake quite yet, didn’t want anyone fretting over him for just a few minutes. He knew they meant well, but it was a little exhausting. 

He hadn't been lying there long when Finn and Rey returned, carrying a heavy-looking bag. Poe sat up, propping himself up on his pillows.

“Any luck?” Jess asked.

“A bit,” said Rey. “Technically it’s probably enough to buy a hyperdrive with, but I have a feeling this guy will want more.”

“I still think a bet would do the trick.”

“A bet?” Poe said. “What on?”

“I dunno, something,” said Jess. “Whatever people gamble over around here.”

“Pod racing.”

They all turned to find Rall standing in the doorway. How long he’d been listening, none of them knew.

“Pod racing? Isn’t that super dangerous?” said Finn.

“That’s why people around here like it,” said Rall. “There’s a race in three days. My cousin’s been building a pod. All he needs is someone to fly it.”

“Doesn't sound too bad,” said Poe.

Finn turned to him with his eyebrows raised.

“Excuse me?” he said. “You really think you’re gonna go pod racing after nearly bleeding to death?”

“I’ll be fine, the race isn’t for three days.”

“Do you even know how to fly a pod?”

“That’s never stopped me before.”

Finn groaned.

“I mean, no offense to present company,” said Snap. “But Poe _is_ kinda the best pilot out of, like… anybody I’ve ever met. If we wanna actually win this thing, he’s our best bet.”

Finn sighed dejectedly.

“I know, I know. it’s just… dangerous. And you haven’t got your strength back yet.”

“I’ll be fine,” said Poe. “And if the day comes and I can’t handle it, we’ve got three of the best pilots we could ask for to step in.”

“So is it settled then?” said Rey. “Are we really doing this?”

“Let’s do it,” said Poe.

“I’ll go tell my cousin he’s got a pilot, then,” said Rall.

Then he turned and left.

“I wonder why he’s helping us,” said Rey.

“Probably to make us leave sooner,” Jess said. “C’mon let’s go make that bet.”

Poe went to get up and was immediately met with an outcry.

“Guys, I’m fine,” he said. 

“Like hell,” said Finn. “You nearly bled to death.”

“Hey, it’ll give us a little edge,” said Poe. “If I look like I could keel over any minute, this guy’ll think he’s just made the easiest bet of his life.”

Rey smirked.

“Isn’t that kind of cheating?” she said.

“Maybe a little,” Poe said with a shrug. “So are we going or what?”

“Alright, alright,” said Finn exasperatedly. 

Poe grinned and swung his legs over the side of the bed, hesitating a moment before standing up. For a moment, his head spun and he thought he was going to have to sit down again. But then the feeling passed. He grinned again and took Finn’s arm, then they headed for the door.

“You know,” Snap said, “this trick of yours is kinda brilliant, Poe.”

“I know, right?”

“Please,” Finn groaned, “don’t encourage him.”

 

By the time they reached the shop, Poe was sort of starting to regret not staying in bed, though he would never admit it to the others. They stepped inside out of the beating sun and were greeted by the shopkeeper, who looked less than thrilled to see them despite his welcoming tone.

“Back so soon?” he said. “Have you an offer that is worth my while this time?”

“We do, actually,” said Rey. “More than an offer. A bet.”

The greedy light of a gambling addict flared up in the man’s eyes.

“A bet?” he repeated.

“Yes. I understand there’s a pod race this week. We’ve recently acquired a pod. Expertly made, wicked fast. And Poe here’s the best pilot in the galaxy. I wager our man against the competitor of your choice.”

The shopkeeper looked Poe over, giving him exactly the scathingly skeptical sneer he was hoping for. 

“I always bet on the same racer. Wayland Pince. He’s ruthless and he never loses,” said the man. “So what’s the price?”

“If we win, we get the hyperdrive we need,” said Rey. “If you win, you get all this.”

She tossed the bag at his feet. The man took one look inside and scoffed.

“And our pod,” Rey added without missing a beat.

The man looked at her, an unpleasant smile growing on his face. Then he held out his hand.

“Deal,” he said.

Rey took his hand and shook it, then bent down to pick up her bag.

“See you at the race,” she said.

Then she turned and led the way back outside. Once they were a safe distance from the shop, Poe punched the air jubilantly.

“I _knew_ it would work!” he said. “He bought it hook, line, and sinker!”

“Yeah, you still gotta win the race though, bud,” said Snap.

“No problem.”

“Have you even actually _seen_ a pod race?” said Finn. “Do you realize how dangerous it is?”

“Of course I do,” said Poe. “I’ll be fine, Finn.”

“People die in these races.”

“Well, I won’t. I promise.”

Finn looked like he might argue, but kept his mouth shut. Poe gave his hand a squeeze. He knew promising not to die was a foolish oath, one he could never keep with any certainty, but he’d keep making it until he finally broke it.

When they got back to the doctor’s house, Rall was waiting for them. 

“I’ve spoken to my cousin,” he said. “The pod’s nearly finished. He asked me to bring you to see it when you got back.”

He led them down the street about a block to a little hut, then brought them around back to a cluttered garage. Taking up most of the space was the pod, which in truth looked more like a bunch of scrap metal welded together into something that vaguely resembled an oversized speeder. Crouched down next to it, his face obscured by goggles and engine grease, was a young man with the same messy, sandy hair as Rall.

“Ori. Hey, Ori,” said Rall. “I brought your pilot.”

The man stood up, pushing his goggles up onto his forehead to reveal startlingly green eyes. He looked them all over and smiled.

“A scrappy bunch, to be sure,” he said. “So, who’s doing the honors?”

Poe stepped forward, holding out his hand.

“That’d be me,” he said. “Poe Dameron.”

Ori took his hand and shook it eagerly.

“Pleasure to meet you. I’m Ori Fleesom,” he said. “And who’s your co-pilot?”

Poe stared at him blankly.

“Co-pilot?”

“Yeah, didn’t Rall tell you?” said Ori. “It’s a two-person pod.”

They all turned to stare at Rall, who was scowling irritably at Ori.

“I _would_ have told you that if Ori had told me,” he said.

“Oh, damn,” said Ori. “I thought you knew! I mean, you’ve seen the pod.”

“Dammit, Ori, I’m a doctor, not a mechanic,” said Rall. “How was I supposed to know?”

“Ah well, no matter,” said Ori. “Everybody knows now. So, any volunteers?”

“I’ll do it,” said Rey. 

Finn groaned but Poe grinned. If he was going to have a co-pilot, he wanted one who was just as crazy as him, and Rey definitely fit the bill.

“Wonderful!” said Ori. “And what’s your name, young lady?”

“Rey.”

“Just Rey? Alright. Very cool. Now come on, you two, I’ll show you the ropes.”


	25. Haunting

“General?”

Hux looked up from his datapad. An officer stood in the doorway, looking nervous. Hux had been in a foul mood since Dameron’s escape and everyone knew it.

“Yes?” 

“We’ve received a transmission,” the officer said. “From our informant on Tatooine. It appears Dameron and his friends have taken refuge in a small settlement south of Mos Eisley.”

Hux just stared at him a moment.

“I see.”

“Shall we send troops after them?”

“Not yet,” said Hux. “Send Lord Ren and Captain Phasma to me.”

“Yes, sir.”

The officer left and Hux let out a sigh. Why had they gone to Tatooine? Why hadn’t they just gone home where they wouldn’t be found and Hux wouldn’t have to deal with them for a while longer?

Hux waited. Soon Phasma arrived, and a few minutes later, Ren. They both stood and stared at him, but Hux didn’t speak right away.

“It appears Dameron and his friends are on Tatooine,” he said at last. “And I’m not sure what to do.”

“You know what happens if we do nothing,” said Ren.

“I know. And I’d rather avoid that.”

“I’ll take care of it, sir,” said Phasma.

Hux turned to her.

“What exactly does taking care of it entail?” he asked.

“To be honest, I’m not quite sure,” Phasma replied. “I’ll take a handful of soldiers to their location and… we’ll see what fate they meet.”

“Just don’t bring them back here, Capain,” said Hux. “Especially not Dameron. I couldn’t face him again.”

“Yes, sir,” said Phasma. “If we do capture him, what is it you’d like me to do?”

“Kill him, I suppose. If he escapes, so be it. If he dies… well, at least I wasn’t involved.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Go, prepare your squadron. And report back to me the second you return.”

“Yes, sir.”

Phasma turned and left. Hux sighed again and closed his eyes, utterly defeated. He felt Ren’s hand on his shoulder and leaned into it.

“You had no other option,” Ren said.

“I know.”

“He won’t blame you.”

“I’d rather he _did_ blame me. I want him to be furious, to hate me for having him and his friends hunted down.”

Ren squeezed his shoulder.

“You know that’s not in his nature,” he said. “He’s far too gracious. He’ll understand you were doing your duty.”

“You’re not helping,” said Hux. “I don’t want him to forgive me. I want things to be as they were. I want us to be enemies, _actual_ enemies, so I can order this hit without guilt eating me alive.”

 

***

 

It wasn’t often Phasma pitied people, but as her shuttle went into light speed en route to Tatooine, she felt a strangely overwhelming amount of pity for General Hux. He was a tough man, cold as marble and hard as iron, but their experiences on that planet of monsters had undone him. His compassion for Poe Dameron had created a crack in his otherwise unwavering loyalty and commitment to the First Order. Killing Dameron for him would be a mercy. It would save him the pain of being conflicted, and of having to one day do it himself. 

The trouble was, with all they had been through with those Resistance brats, all the times the six of them had saved each other… Phasma wasn’t sure how easy killing them would be, even for her. She had no debt to any of them as Hux did. She had managed to keep herself emotionally distant despite it all. But traversing horrors alongside someone, even your worst enemies, creates a bond that is not so easy to turn your back on.


	26. Race For Your Life

The day of the race arrived and Poe was not feeling quite as good as he’d hoped. He wasn’t going to admit it to the others, of course. He was far too stubborn for that. But he was certainly grateful that pod racing required sitting down because he wasn’t sure how long he could stand up without getting dizzy.

The racetrack seemed even hotter than the rest of the planet. Poe wiped the sweat from his brow and leaned against their pod, hoping he didn’t look as weary as he felt. Ori was doing a few last minute checks as the rest of them stood around and watched the crowd file into the stands. The commentator’s voice echoed through the canyon, telling the audience about the contestants. 

“You sure you want to do this?” Finn asked. “It’s not too late to back out.”

“I’m fine, buddy,” said Poe. He took Finn’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “You guys better get to the stands. It’s about to get real crazy down here.”

Finn stepped forward and gave him a kiss.

“Be careful,” he said.

“I’ll try.”

Poe watched as Finn joined the others and retreated to the sidelines, then turned to Rey.

“You ready?” he said.

“I think so,” said Rey. “You?”

“I was born ready.”

Rey smirked and handed him a helmet. They high-fived and parted ways to climb into their cockpits. The pilot positions were in two separate pods connected to a large engine that trailed behind. The pods could move independently, but if the pilots didn’t communicate well, they could lose control or even tear the racer apart. 

Poe settled into his cockpit and strapped himself in, then donned his helmet and turned on the comms.

“I’m in position,” he said. “You copy?”

“Loud and clear,” said Rey. 

“Y’know, this might’ve been a bad idea.”

“Oh, you’re saying that _now_?”

“Well, I couldn’t say anything when Finn’s around.”

Rey laughed. Just then, the commentator announced that it was time to start their engines. Poe flicked on the power switch and the engine roared into life. The entire pod rattled and he felt suddenly nervous. He hadn’t had any _real_ misgivings before, but now he really wasn’t so sure they should’ve made this bet. 

“It’s okay, Poe,” said Rey suddenly. “We can do this.”

“Is my nervousness really that obvious that you can feel it way over there?” Poe said.

“Your emotions have always been a bit loud.”

“Oh. Great.”

Poe looked up at the countdown clock that hung over the starting line. There were only fifteen seconds to go. 

“Hey, Rey,” he said. “May the Force be with us.”

“May the Force be with us,” Rey echoed, and he could tell she was smiling.

There were seven seconds left. Poe tightened his grip on the controls and took a deep breath. Five seconds.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

A sound like a whip rang out and everything flew into action. Their pod sped forward with startling speed for such a clunky contraption. Poe glanced over at Rey, then at the surrounding competitors, some of whom had already zoomed ahead. The race had begun.

 

***

 

Finn had been holding his breath as the final few seconds ticked away on the countdown. He slowly let it out as the swirl of wind and dust kicked up by the pods as they took off began to settle. He looked up at the big screen over the stands, which showed the frontrunners – he could just see Poe and Rey trailing a few places behind the leads. 

“Hey, they’re doing pretty good already,” said Snap.

“How many laps did you say there are again?” Finn asked.

“Three,” said Rall. “Though the track is fifteen miles long.”

“Fuck, the stress is gonna kill me,” said Finn.

“Relax, it’s not that bad,” said Jess. 

No sooner had she finished her sentence than one of the racers crashed, erupting into a flaming wreck. The crowd groaned, and the camera lingered on the crash just long enough to suggest that the pilot didn’t survive before cutting back to the race. 

“Not that bad, huh?” Finn said. “Yeah, that looked really great. I’m sure that guy had the time of his life blowing up.”

Jess grimaced

“Yeah. May have spoke too soon.”

 

***

 

“You alright, Poe?” Rey asked, her heart still hammering.

They had been so close to the crash, had barely missed getting pelted with debris. She could still feel the heat of the blaze tingling her skin.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Poe responded. “You?”

“Me too. That was too close.”

“Agreed.”

They whipped around a corner and started speeding down a long ravine. They were only three places behind the leader, who Rey was pretty sure was their competition, Wayland Pince. It was tempting to put on a burst of speed and catch up, but she knew they couldn’t rush this. They had to wait until the opportune moment, wait for a few more of the racers to be eliminated. 

At last they reached the end of the ravine and burst back out into the sunlight. Up ahead was the stadium, filled with crowds now roaring as the racers headed in to complete the first lap. Rey caught a glimpse of the others over on the sidelines as they raced over the finish line, then they were gone.

“One down, two to go,” Poe said.

 

***

 

Finn cheered with the others as Poe and Rey raced by, but the fact that they had survived one lap didn’t alleviate his anxiety in the slightest. If anything, he felt worse. The race would only get more brutal the closer it got to the end, the more desperate the competitors got. 

Once the last of the pods had flashed by, he turned his attention back to the big screen. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. One of the pods in last place had stalled just outside the stadium, but they had never been much competition anyway. The race went on. They were halfway through the second lap without another incident. A little glimmer of hope welled up. Maybe Poe and Rey would be okay. And maybe, just maybe, they could win this.

Suddenly, a dark cloud descended over Finn, quashing out the speck of hope that had begun to eat away his nervousness. He squinted up at the screen, checking in on Poe and Rey, but everything seemed to be alright. Yet the dark, foreboding feeling wouldn’t go away. If anything, it was getting stronger.

“Something’s wrong,” Finn said.

The others turned to him, frowning.

“What do you mean?” Jess asked. “Is it… did you…” she lowered her voice, “did you _sense_ something?”

Finn nodded.

“I don’t know what it is, I just… something bad is gonna happen.”

“To Poe and Rey?” said Snap.

“I don’t know. I can’t tell,” said Finn. “I don’t like this. I don’t like not knowing.”

Jess put at hand on his arm.

“Well, whatever it is, we’ll be ready for it.”

 

***

 

They raced over the finish line again and Rey let out a sigh of relief. They were so close. Just one lap to go.

“Don’t let your guard down,” Poe warned. “Things are bound to get dirty.”

“I certainly hope so, it’s been almost boring so far,” Rey joked.

Poe laughed.

“No wonder Finn’s so worried, we’re a nightmare team.”

Rey grinned, but it quickly faded as an unsettling feeling took hold of her. 

“Something’s happening, or is going to happen,” she said suddenly. 

“What do you mean?” Poe asked. “Is everything okay?”

“No.”

“No?” Poe repeated. “What do you mean?”

“I dunno,” said Rey. 

 

***

 

“We need to move,” Finn said suddenly.

“What? Why?” said Snap.

“Something’s coming, I can feel it.”

“What is?” Jess asked.

“I don’t know,” said Finn. “But we can’t stay here.”

“What about Poe and Rey?”

“We’ll find them after the race. Come on, we’ve gotta go.”

He grabbed Jess and Snap by the elbows and beckoned to BB-8, then led them away from the stands, leaving Rall and Ori still engrossed in the race. 

“Finn, are you sure about this feeling of yours?” Snap said. “You sure you’re not just being a bit… jumpy?”

“I’m sure,” Finn said. “Something’s coming, something bad.”

 

***

 

They were in second place now, but the leader, their rival, was still quite a ways ahead and Poe was starting to get anxious. They only had half a lap left to catch up, or they’d be just as stuck as they were before. 

“Hey, how do you feel about doing something reckless and a little bit stupid?” he said.

“I thought we were already doing that,” Rey said.

“Okay, reckless and _really_ stupid, then.”

“Depends on how stupid it is. What’ve you got?”

“We put on a burst of speed, catch up with Pince,” Poe said. “Then we… surround him.”

“Surround him?”

“You take his left, I take his right, and we scare the hell out of him.”

“And then what, we all crash and die?” said Rey.

“Admittedly, I hadn’t planned that far ahead.”

There was a brief silence and Poe could tell she was rolling her eyes.

“Here’s a thought,” she said. “We do that, and then, once he’s caught off guard, we fly above him and blast ahead.”

Poe grinned.

“I like it.”

“Good,” said Rey. “Now we just need to get close enough to pull it off.”

They raced ahead, putting on as much speed as they could muster, until they were right up behind Pince’s pod.

“You ready for this?” Poe said.

“Yeah. You?”

“Definitely.”

Poe steered his cockpit away, watching Rey out of the corner of his eye. If there was even the slightest hint that either of them were off, they’d abort. But so far so good. They carefully flew forward, coming up on either side of Pince’s pod. Pince stared at Poe, then turned to Rey, then back again. 

“Now!” Rey shouted.

Poe cranked the controls up and in perfect unison, the two sides of their pod rose above Pince. They put on another burst of speed and dashed ahead, swooping back down to the track as they left Pince in the dust. 

“Yes!”

Poe punched the air, pleasantly surprised that it had actually worked. The course ahead of them was clear and the stands were beginning to come into view. They were nearly there. They were going to win. Suddenly, something hit the pod, nearly throwing them off the track. 

“What the fuck was that?” Poe said, checking the sensors to make sure nothing was too damaged.

“Sand people,” said Rey. “Up on the ridge!”

Poe looked up and saw a pair of sand people crouching on the ridge to their right, taking aim at the pods below. 

“We gotta get to that finish line before they wreck us,” said Poe.

“No shit,” Rey said. “Let’s put on more speed.”

Poe flicked a switch and they rushed past the ridge, but he could smell burning fuel trailing behind them. If they didn’t finish soon, their pod would catch fire. They were getting so close, they just had to last another half minute. The cheers from the stands were growing louder, almost drowning out the groaning of their engine. 

Then at last, they burst into the stadium and crossed the finish line. Poe slammed on the brake. Rey was just a second behind and the pod whipped to the left, then screeched to a stop. Poe sighed in relief and took off his helmet before climbing out of the cockpit. He looked at the engine – it was smoking and sparking, but with the fuel cells off, it was no longer in danger of catching fire. He turned away and was immediately met by Rey, beaming from ear to ear.

“We did it!” she cried, throwing her arms around his neck. “We won!”

Poe grinned and returned the hug, nearly lifting her off her feet. They pulled apart, both buzzing with energy.

“Come on, let's find the others,” said Poe.

They turned toward the stands. Rall and Ori were jogging over to them, but Finn, Jess, and Snap were nowhere in sight. Poe’s smile faltered a bit.

“Where are the others?” he asked.

“They disappeared about half a lap ago,” said Rall. “I figured they spotted someplace with a better view. They should be along soon. Now, don’t you two have a deal to make good on?”

“Oh look, I see our slimy friend trying to slink away right now,” said Rey. “I’ll be right back.”

She dashed off, leaving Poe with Rall and Ori. 

“That was some impressive flying you two did,” said Ori. “Your boyfriend wasn’t joking about you being the best pilot in the galaxy.”

Poe grinned, trying and failing to be modest.

“Thanks,” he said. “And sorry we got your pod shot.”

“Don’t worry, it happens. It wouldn’t be a pod race without the tuskens shooting at the racers.”

Just then, Rey returned, proudly holding up a new hyperdrive.

“Got it!” she said. “Are the others not here yet?”

“No, they’re not,” said Poe. “Where the hell are they?”

“I’m sure they’ll be here soon,” said Rall.

“Yeah, you said that…”

Finn had been worried sick about the two of them, he should have come running the second they won. Poe frowned, glancing around for some sign, then froze in horror. Four stormtroopers stood about thirty yards away. As Poe stared, one of them turned and looked right at them.

“There they are!” he shouted.

“Shit,” said Poe.

“Both of you, run!” said Rall urgently.

Poe and Rey turned to run, but suddenly Ori grabbed Rey from behind, pinning her arms behind her back. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Rall said. “Let her go!”

“That would be counterproductive,” said Ori.

Poe cast a glance over at the stormtroopers – they were getting close fast. He drew his blaster and aimed it at Ori.

“Let her go,” he said.

Rey’s eyes widened. Rall stiffened. Ori smirked.

“You’re bluffing.”

Poe glanced at the stormtroopers. In just a few seconds, it would be too late to run. This was their only chance. He pulled the trigger. The blast landed right between Ori’s eyes and he fell to the ground. Rey scrambled away, looking horrified.

“Go, I’ll hold them off,” said Rall, drawing his own blaster.

“But you’re outnumbered,” said Poe. 

“Just run!”

Rey grabbed Poe’s hand and pulled him away.

“Come on!” she said.

They took off running, the sounds of blaster fire echoing behind them. Poe felt sick, but resisted the urge to look back at the dead body he’d left behind. He could feel Rey’s hand trembling in his, or perhaps it was his own, he couldn’t tell. He had no idea where they were going until they turned a corner into an alleyway and came screeching to a halt. Captain Phasma stood in front of them, her silver armor glinting in the sunlight.

“Were you followed?” she said.

“I don’t know, maybe,” said Rey.

“Then we’ll have to move fast,” said Phasma. “Do either of your blasters have a stun setting?”

“Yeah,” said Rey.

“Stun me.”

“What?”

“Stun me, then get your friends and leave this planet as fast as you can.”

“You’re letting us escape?” said Poe. 

“Yes, but we don’t have much time,” Phasma said impatiently.

“But why?” said Poe. “Why are you helping us?”

Phasma paused, and even with her helmet Poe could tell she was looking directly at him.

“For the general,” she said. “Now quickly, stun me.”

Rey drew her blaster and switched the setting to stun. Phasma braced herself as Rey took aim. Then she pulled the trigger and Phasma crumpled to the ground. Poe took Rey’s hand again and they were off once more.

 

***

 

This was bad. Very bad. How the hell had the First Order found them? Finn snuck a peak around the corner, then quickly ducked back into their hiding place. Seven or eight stormtroopers loitered in the road, waiting. 

“How’s it look out there?” Jess whispered.

“Not good,” said Finn. “We’re cut off.”

“We need to get to that hangar. We might just have to fight our way through.”

“How many were there?” Snap asked.

“Seven or eight. I dunno, it was too quick a look to tell,” said Finn.

“Okay, we’ll go with eight, then. So eight troopers against three of us, plus a droid. And we’ve got the element of surprise.”

“If these are Phasma’s troopers, and I bet they are, surprise is only gonna last us a couple seconds,” said Finn. “They’re quick on the uptake.”

“A couple seconds is better than nothing,” said Snap. 

“I dunno… I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

“If we don’t do it, they’re gonna find us,” said Jess. “And then we’ll be dead for sure. We’ve gotta try.”

“You’re right,” said Finn. “Let’s do this.”

He gripped his blaster and took a deep breath, then turned to BB-8.

“Stay close, BB-8, we’re gonna be moving fast.”

The droid bleeped at him and rolled up to his feet. Then, they burst out into the street, guns blazing. At first, the stormtroopers were caught off guard and they managed to take down three in one go. But just as Finn predicted, the rest regrouped quickly, returning fire and forming a line to block their path. Finn dodged one blast, but wasn’t fast enough for the next; the blast grazed his side, nearly knocking him to the ground. He cried out in pain and shot down the trooper who hit him. 

“Finn, are you okay?” Jess asked.

“Yeah,” Finn said through gritted teeth, gripping the wound with his free hand. “Spectacular.”

Finally, the last stormtrooper fell.

“C’mon, we gotta get back to the Falcon,” Finn said.

“You’ve been shot, buddy, slow down,” said Snap, hurrying to his side.

“We can’t slow down, we need to get out of here.”

But Finn found himself leaning against Snap in spite of himself.

“Finn’s right,” said Jess. “We need to go.”

They started down the street. Finn let Snap help him; he was perfectly capable of walking by himself, but he knew he was less likely to slow them down this way. They made it the last few blocks without incident, but as they approached the hangar, at least a dozen stormtroopers caught sight of them and started heading their way. They broke into a run, Finn barely keeping up, and didn’t stop until they reached the Falcon.

“Get on board and start the engines,” said Jess. “I’ll stand guard out here!”

“You sure?” Finn said.

“Yes, now go on!”

Snap tugged on Finn’s arm and he reluctantly followed him up onto the ship. They ran to the cockpit and Snap turned on the engines, then grabbed the med kit from under the console and turned to Finn.

“Let’s get that patched up,” he said.

Finn took off his jacket and lifted up his shirt, wincing. The wound looked worse than it probably was, and it hurt like hell. 

“So,” said Snap as he carefully taped a bandage over the wound, “how long are we gonna wait?”

“As long as it takes.”

 

***

 

Poe stopped as suddenly as if he’d hit a wall, though he certainly hadn’t chosen to. An unpleasant new feeling swelled up inside him alongside the nausea he already had.

“Poe, what the hell, come on!” said Rey, tugging his hand. 

“Finn,” Poe gasped. “Finn’s hurt.”

He didn’t know how he knew it, but he did. Rey stared at him, confused, and he didn’t blame her. He didn’t have the Force and he knew it, so how did he know with such certainty that Finn was hurt?

“I know, I felt it. But how did you?” she said, then remembered herself. “Never mind, just come on!”

She tugged his hand again and Poe finally snapped out of it. They tore through town, shoving past crowds and careening around corners until they finally reached the hangar. As they approached the Falcon, they saw Jess standing at the foot of the ramp, her blaster out, on alert. A dozen stormtroopers lay around the hangar, dead.

“There you are!” she said. “It’s about damn time!”

“Where’s Finn and Snap?” Poe asked.

“Inside,” said Jess. “Did you get the hyperdrive?”

“Yeah,” said Rey. “I’ll get to work. Poe, get to the cockpit.”

“Looks like you guys got some tails, I’ll take care of ‘em,” said Jess. “Now get going.”

Poe and Rey darted up the ramp and to their stations. Poe reached the cockpit and vaulted into the pilot’s chair. The engines were already running and Finn and Snap were waiting.

“Oh, thank the Force, you’re okay,” said Finn.

“Rey’s fine too, she’s starting on the hyperdrive,” said Poe. “Are you alright?”

“I’ll be okay,” said Finn. “What about you? You’re trembling.”

“I’m fine.” 

“The ramp is up,” Snap announced.

Poe hit the intercom button.

“Jess, are you on board?” he said.

Just then, Jess burst into the cockpit.

“I’m here, go!”

Poe switched off the landing gear and they rose into the air. They soared over the city and up towards the atmosphere, bursting out into the starry blackness of space. 

“That was a close one,” said Finn.

“Spoke too soon,” said Snap. “There’s two enemy fighters coming at us up ahead.”

Poe looked where he was pointing and groaned.

“I’m on it,” said Jess.

And she was off once again. Half a minute later, her voice came in over the comms.

“Alright, I’m ready. Give me a straight shot, Poe.”

“You got it,” said Poe. “Shields up.”

Snap turned on the shields and Poe drove them straight toward the TIE fighters, getting just close enough to be in range. The TIEs fired on them but Poe dodged, spinning the ship. Several shots fired from the Falcon, hitting one of the fighters. 

“Nice shot, Jess!” Snap said.

“Don’t get excited just yet,” said Jess. 

The second TIE flew at them, but Jess met it with several more blasts and it exploded. 

“Yes!” Jess cheered.

Poe let out a sigh of relief and set the ship back on course.

“Hey, Rey, how’s that hyperdrive coming?” he asked.

“It’d be going a lot better if you weren’t flying like a crazy person,” Rey replied.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Smooth flying from here on out, I promise.”

Poe turned on autopilot and leaned back in his chair. With the adrenaline slowly fading away, he was suddenly very aware of his still shaking hands and the nauseous weight on his chest. He curled his hands into fists, trying to stop the trembling. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped, turning to find Finn had shifted to the seat right behind his.

“You sure you’re okay?” Finn asked. “You look pretty shaken up.”

Poe sighed again. He’d rather not have to tell Finn what he’d done, but he knew he had to. He couldn’t keep secrets from him.

“I killed Ori,” he said quietly.

Finn and Snap both stared at him, horrified.

“Why?” Snap said.

“He’s the one who ratted on us to the First Order. He grabbed Rey when we were trying to run and I… I didn’t even think about it. It was like I was on autopilot.”

Snap still looked a bit disturbed, but Finn nodded. He understood.

“Hey guys, I think I’ve got it,” Rey said suddenly, making them all jump. “Test it, will you?”

“Right. Okay,” said Poe.

He sat up straight and turned off autopilot. Once everything was set, he took a deep breath.

“Making the jump to hyperspace in three, two, one.”

He pulled the lever and, with a bit of effort, the Falcon flew to lightspeed. Poe set a course for D’Qar, turned on autopilot, and turned back to the others. Just then, Rey and Jess entered the cockpit with BB-8 on their heels.

“Nice flying, Poe,” said Jess.

“Thanks. Nice shooting.”

“Thanks.” Jess glanced between them all. “Why’s everybody so grim?”

“I shot Ori in the head,” said Poe.

“You _what_?!”

“To be fair, he betrayed us,” said Rey. 

“Shit…”

“It was still a bit… much,” said Poe. 

“You saved our lives,” said Rey. “Am I a bit disturbed by how easy it was for you? Yeah. But if you hadn’t, we’d be in the hands of the First Order.”

“I know, I just…” Poe sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It was like we were back _there_ and he was one of the corpses. That’s what it felt like when I pulled the trigger. It’s not supposed to feel like that.”

He felt even sicker now than he had before. Killing Ori had felt so instinctual in the moment, and the more he realized this, the worse he felt. Shooting anyone or anything that laid a hand on him and his friends without question wasn’t an instinct he wanted to have. Suddenly he stood up, swaying slightly as a rush of dizziness went to his head.

“I’m gonna go lie down. Let me know when we’re almost home.”

Then he left, feeling all their eyes follow him. He knew his sudden departure would only make them worry, but he couldn’t stay in that cramped cockpit any longer. Finn and Rey probably understood a bit more than Jess and Snap did, but he could still see a hint of fear in their eyes, no matter how hard they tried to hide it. And he couldn’t get the look on Rey’s face when Ori crumpled to the ground out of his head.

He had initially been heading to the sleeping quarters, but a particularly strong wave of nausea washed over him and he ducked into the washroom, barely making it to the toilet before vomiting. He knelt there, panting, futilely fighting back tears, for what felt like ages.

“Poe?”

He jumped, turning to the door. Finn leaned against the doorframe, looking sympathetic and exhausted.

“Sorry I startled you,” he said, coming over and kneeling next to him.

“It’s okay. What’re you doing here?” Poe said. “You’re hurt, you should be resting.”

“I thought I should check on you,” said Finn. “Turns out I was right.”

Poe made a half-hearted attempt at a smile.

“Thanks. Damn, I’m a mess.”

“Yeah, a bit.” Finn reached out and took his hand. “There’s nothing wrong with you for what you did. It was a gut reaction. And Rey’s right, if you hadn’t acted, you guys would be on your way to the First Order. Or dead.”

Poe nodded, still not entirely convinced. 

“Come on,” said Finn softly. “You look like shit and you’re right, I need to rest.”

Poe nodded again and dried his eyes with the back of his hand. He got to his feet, then helped Finn up, and they staggered down the hall to the sleeping quarters. The bed was tiny, but they didn’t care. They curled up, limbs tangled together, and quickly fell asleep.


	27. Force Bond

Finn woke up groggily, his side throbbing. Poe was still asleep next to him. He was snoring a little and his face and hair were still covered in sand and dust from Tatooine, but he looked so at peace. He was beautiful enough to make Finn’s heart ache, even when he was a total mess, and Finn just felt so grateful to finally have him back, alive and mostly unharmed. 

He reached out to brush some of the sand from Poe’s hair and he stirred, frowning a little before opening his eyes. They smiled at each other.

“Feeling any better?” Poe asked.

“Not much,” said Finn. “Still pretty sore. You?”

“I’m okay.” 

They fell silent and Poe sat up a bit. Finn curled in against his side, resting his head on his chest.

“How did you know I was hurt?” he asked suddenly. “I never said anything about it.”

“It sounds crazy but… I felt it,” said Poe.

Finn stared up at him.

“You what?”

“I know what you’re thinking,” said Poe. “I’m not Force sensitive. I know I’m not.”

Finn frowned, thinking. 

“Maybe I… accidentally projected or something,” he suggested. “I don’t know how successful I was ‘cause I was stressed out, but I was trying to keep tabs on you and Rey from the moment we realized the First Order was there.”

“So, you think you were so focused on me that you, like, sent your feelings at me?”

Finn chuckled.

“I have no idea. Maybe.”

“Weird,” said Poe. “I gotta say, it wasn’t very pleasant.”

“Neither was getting shot.”

“Yeah, that was probably worse.”

“Definitely.” Finn was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know enough about any of this to know for sure, but… I think my powers or whatever are connected to you. Like… they’re stronger around you, I can feel _you_ more than anyone else…”

Poe looked somewhere between flattered and confused.

“Like I said, I don’t know enough to be sure,” Finn continued. “But… I dunno. All the times I’ve really _used_ the Force have been because of you. Sensing you were alive, saving you…”

“That could just be coincidence,” Poe pointed out. 

“Maybe. But I think there’s something to this.”

Just then, there was a soft knock and Rey poked her head in.

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Nope,” said Finn.

“Oh good. I just wanted to let you know, we’re coming up on the Illenium system. We’re nearly home.”

She smiled at them, then left. Finn turned to Poe; he could feel his relief, his longing to be home at last. Finn smiled and kissed him on the cheek.


	28. Missing

Phasma grimaced under her helmet as she stood up and disembarked her ship, down quite a few stormtroopers from when they’d left. Getting stunned point-blank was a lot nastier than she’d anticipated, and she hoped she wouldn’t live to regret the choice she’d made. She stepped out into the hangar and saw General Hux and Lord Ren waiting for her. As her remaining troops filed away, she approached them.

“I see no prisoners,” Hux said.

“Correct, sir.”

“Are they dead?”

“As far as I know, they all escaped,” said Phasma. “Or at least some of them did.”

Hux stared at her, his expression unreadable. 

“Very well. Thank you for your attempts,” he said. “You are dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.”

Phasma turned and left, glancing back at him before exiting the hangar. Hux had never thanked her, or anyone for that matter, for their service, never publicly at least. It was perplexing and a little off-putting, if she was going to be honest, to suddenly be thanked. It seemed to her that the general had spent a little too much time around that pilot. Perhaps killing him would have been a mercy, for Hux at least. But unless they crossed paths again, she would never know.

 

***

 

Ren turned to Hux as Phasma walked away. Hux’s face was blank, but Ren could feel the conflict inside him.

“I sensed something while Captain Phasma was reporting,” he said. “Would you like to hear it?”

“Depends on what it is,” said Hux.

“She let them go,” said Ren, lowering his voice so no one could overhear. “The pilot and the girl. She could have killed them but she didn’t.”

Hux scowled.

“I don’t think I wanted to hear that, actually,” he said. “Though I suppose if they escaped anyway, it doesn’t really matter how.”

“It is odd, though,” said Ren. “Phasma seemed to be the least effected of any of us, and yet still she let them escape. I wonder why.”

“I couldn’t tell you,” said Hux. “Unlike some people, I don’t make a habit of poking around in people’s minds.”

Ren gave him a look that went to waste, hidden by his mask.

“I sensed something unusual and investigated, I would think you’d find that helpful.”

Hux sighed heavily and turned to him, his expression softening somewhat.

“I do,” he said. “I just… I want all this to be done with. I never want to have to deal with Poe Dameron and his friends ever again.”

“I understand,” said Ren. He paused, resisting the temptation to take Hux’s hand right there in the middle of the hangar. “Next time I see any of them, I’ll slice them to bits for you. How’s that?”

Hux smirked.

“Normally I’d find that quite satisfactory,” he said.

“And now?”

“Honestly, I find the fact that you would kill my enemies for me without a second thought more than a little bit sexy.”

Ren smirked.

“Care to act on that, General?”

“With pleasure.”

 

***

 

Ren woke to an empty bed. It wasn’t unusual – Hux was often called out on business and would slip away while Ren slept off his post-coital haze – but he had hoped that for once he would wake up to find Hux sleeping at his side.

He got up and dressed, then put on his helmet and left the room. He turned the corner into the next corridor to find Captain Phasma approaching from the opposite direction.

“Ah, Lord Ren,” she said. “I’ve been sent to find General Hux. Perhaps you know where he is.”

“I assumed he was at a meeting,” said Ren.

“That’s why I’m looking for him,” said Phasma. “He never showed up.”

“That’s unlike him.”

“Precisely, sir.”

Ren frowned and reached out, searching the ship for Hux’s presence. But he found nothing. It appeared Hux was not on the _Finalizer_ at all.

“Follow me,” he said.

He marched off, barely waiting for Phasma to follow, and didn’t stop until he’d reached the control deck above the hangar. The very air in the room tensed as he entered, but he ignored it and approached the man in charge.

“Have any ships left the hangar in the last two hours, sanctioned or otherwise?” he demanded.

“No, sir,” the man said. “None whatsoever.”

Ren turned without another word and left the deck.

“Sir,” Phasma said. “May I ask what that was about?”

“Hux is not aboard the _Finalizer_ and he hasn’t taken a ship,” said Ren. “So how is he gone?”

“Well, he can’t have just vanished, sir.”

“But it appears he has.”

“Sir?”

“Come with me.”

Ren started walking again, leading the way to the hangar. As they approached his shuttle, he could sense Phasma’s confusion.

“Sir, what exactly are we doing?” she asked.

“There is some sort of trickery going on,” said Ren. “Someone or something has stolen General Hux right under our noses. If we find them, we find him, and we destroy whoever did this.”


	29. Broken Glass

The Millennium Falcon landed on the tarmac and Poe barely waited for the ramp to lower before rushing outside. A pleasantly warm breeze tickled his skin and he closed his eyes, just letting the feeling wash over him. He was home at last, safe from the First Order and Hux and all the pain and confusion he’d left there. A hand brushed his shoulder and he opened his eyes. Finn stood next to him, smiling fondly.

“What are you feeling?” he asked.

“Don’t you know?” Poe said.

“I want you to tell me.”

Poe smiled.

“I’m exhausted,” he said. “But content.”

They all headed toward the compound and were met by General Organa and Luke Skywalker.

“I’m glad to see you all made it back in one piece,” she said.

“Mostly,” said Finn.

“And Poe,” the general continued. “I’m so glad they found you.”

“So am I,” said Poe. “It’s good to be back.”

 

***

 

The doctors had wanted to keep Finn in the med bay for observation after patching up his blaster wound, but he had emphatically refused. He wanted to stay with Poe, to sleep by his side on his first night back home. The two of them walked hand in hand to their room, both weaving a little with exhaustion. As the door slid shut behind them, Poe just stood there, staring around.

“It’s always weird coming back to your own room after a long time away,” he said. “But it’s stranger this time.”

“I bet it’ll be nice sleeping in a proper bed,” said Finn.

“You got that right. Those First Order cells are _not_ comfortable,” said Poe. “But first, I need a shower. I’ve got sand in unspeakable places.”

Finn laughed and gave him a playful shove toward the bathroom. 

“Go on, I’ll wait up for you.”

Poe retreated into the bathroom and Finn flopped down onto the bed, kicking off his boots. He lay there, just staring at the ceiling, until Poe came back out with his hair dripping and a towel around his waist. Finn sat up and smiled at him as he got dressed. 

“I’m gonna wash up real fast,” he said, standing up. “I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Sure thing,” Poe said.

He kissed Finn on the cheek and poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher on the nightstand. Finn returned the kiss, then went into the bathroom. He turned on the sink and splashed some water on his face, washing away the sweat and dust still clinging to his skin from Tatooine. Normally he would have showered, but his body ached too much and he just wanted to go curl up in bed next to Poe. He was just drying off his face when he heard the smashing of glass from the next room.

“Poe?” he called. “You okay?”

There was no answer. Finn tossed aside the towel and stepped back out into the bedroom.

“Poe?”

But the room was empty. The only sign that Poe had been there at all was the shattered glass on the floor.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, the third and final fic of this trilogy will be coming very soon! until then, thank you so much for reading, i hope you've all enjoyed this shitshow!
> 
> edit: i also leave you with the playlist i made for this fic, since that's sorta become a thing for this series. here you go: https://open.spotify.com/user/mkhowen/playlist/5L1uX4IpztBPGtZtqFTWGd


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